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October 25, 2013
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Editor's Note: Make sure you play this video in the background while you read this.
Punching Kitty was a writing project for the city of St. Louis to have a little fun and try to get everyone to stop taking themselves so seriously...and hopefully highlight some critical issues along the way.
We had a lot of fun, but all good things need an ending and ours was on March 13th, 2013. While we will no longer actively write, the site will stay up as an archive. To the right are some of our favorite and most acclaimed articles from our four year run. You may also enjoy "This Day in PK History" which shows the posts written on this date in years past, and this page which shows a random article from the archives.
- The Editor
Update: Hey look, what do you know! This shooting was because of an argument about the Sandy Hook Elementary shooting according to the AP. A shooting because of an argument about a shooting? USA! USA!
Original post below…
A man entered the “All Cuts Barber Shop” in Wentzville, MO yesterday, apparently had an altercation with someone inside, left and returned a moment later to shoot the place up.
Do they not get the news in Wentzville? We’re all kinda anti-bringing guns places these days.
The suspect was a regular at the shop and, according to another customer, was a “really great guy.”
The shooters are always “great guys”, because if someone that knew him told a reporter that the suspect was “A pretty f*cked up dude. I definitely figured he’d shoot a building up one day.” people would think that guy was a dick for not telling anyone until now. Also, f*cked up guys, doing f*cked up stuff isn’t news, because that happens quite a bit. It’s definitely news when a “quiet genius who always kept to himself” does it though.
Officers were alert and responded to the scene. The suspect was captured and a gun was recovered from his vehicle.
The victim was not hurt, but the bullets left several holes in the wall and floor.
We’re going to take a shot in the dark and say the floor in the “All Cuts Barber Shop” in Wentzville wasn’t all that nice, so this is the best case senario. Still, you kinda want to see this guy’s haircut don’t you?
Missouri Senator Claire McCaskill is totally sick of having to turn off her iPad in planes during take-off and landing. “Dammit, I just got to the good part!” Senator McCaskill would say, as she wraps up her headphones while angrily pausing Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Witness Protection. “This is total bullshit! …oh great, and I forgot my magazine! Now I’m gonna have to read this Sky Mall like some kind of asshole. People will be all like ‘Hey, look that’s Claire McCaskill reading Sky Mall, I can’t believe she’s trying to train her cat to use the toilet when we should be fixing this country!’, like I need that right now! ” [Editor’s Note: We’ve never met Claire McCaskill, but we’re confident that our text-based impersonation of her is in the ballpark. Kinda just feels right.]
Senator Claire McCaskill of Missouri sent a letter to Michael P. Huerta, acting administrator of the F.A.A., writing that airline customers were “growing increasingly skeptical of prohibitions on the use of many electronic devices during the full duration of a flight.”
She added, “I am prepared to pursue legislative solutions should progress be made too slowly.”
It’s is a little weird that the F.A.A. recently approved the use of iPads in the cockpit, but still doesn’t allow them back in the seats with less buttons. You know what else this rule change would cut down on? Flight attendants talking over the plane PA system. Holy crap they love that! One less time for them to talk, followed by a reminder about the rewards points card, and some stupid inside joke between the crew is a huge win regardless of whether or not we have to turn off our iPad.
“The current rules are inconvenient to travelers, don’t make sense and lack a scientific basis,” she said in the letter. “Airline employees have the incredibly important job of keeping us safe in the air. Their efforts are better spent worrying about rules that actually accomplish that goal.
So far the F.A.A. hasn’t had any formal response to the Senator. Neither has Sky Mall.
Meanwhile, Todd Akin, McCaskill’s vanquished Senatorial opponent, still firmly believes that manned flight is the product of the devil, and iPads are are an affront to baby Jesus and a clear rip off of Pee Wee Herman’s Magic Screen.
The Rams lost Sunday to the Vikings, but the game wasn’t without it’s moments…like when Danny Amendola spiked a football in to the face of some poor old usher standing behind the endzone.
Danny, here’s what you did wrong:
1. Chill bro. Great job on the touchdown, but you were way too fired up for a guy on a team that was getting stomped.
2. Technically that’s not even an endzone spike because you were way way way too far back. Do that kinda thing in the right spot: The actual endzone. You might not be super familiar with it’s boundaries as you’ve been hurt and play for the Rams when you’re not hurt, but ask the Vikings.
3. Is this angst over being too short to do the “dunk over the field goal crossbar” thing?
Make this right Danny! Find this guy, hook him up with some cool stuff. Not just one of your jerseys and ball the Rams team signed, get him something good! …have the the 49ers sign it. Maybe get him a helmet…do you know Tom Brady?! If so get him to sign it. He’d love that!
Earlier this week we were the first to bring you the story about a local man looking for a live-in secretary who will pick up his kid from school, be “semi professional” and “semi respectable” and enjoys his interest in “420”…oh and hopefully have sex with him.
…yeah you’d hate to get someone that’s any more than “semi” respectable. It would totally ruin your whole business venture that is definitely not…unretarded.
Shut it down Craigslist. Never gonna get any better than this one.
Well Jessica Lussenhop of the RFT gave him a call! We had no idea she wanted to leave the RFT, or be this guy’s sexy secretary, but good for her! Reach for the stars! (by “the stars”, we mean “his junk”)
Does this pragmatic paramour know about his growing internet fame?
No, as a matter of fact, he did not. Until we called him.
Guess what his name is?! Jim Midgett! Please let his middle name be “mental”, please let his middle name be “mental”…
When we caught up with Jim Midgett via phone, he’d just been reading some of the online chatter about him with his roommate.
“I didn’t have a clue at all. Actually, I’m not very computer savvy,” he says. “My feelings aren’t hurt at all about it.”
So how’s the ad going?
Not everyone thinks this sounds nuts. In fact, he’s already had ten responses and three interviews.
Meth is a hell of a drug.
That smiling face you see above belongs to 19-year-old Chtonia Battle. Ms Battle was being charged for the murder of 53-year-old, “super nice guy” Benny Hill. Chtonia reportedly drug Hill from the van he was driving to work, stabbed him in the neck and left him to die, bleeding in the street.
Chtonia Battle is the worst kind of person. She shouldn’t even be counted as a person…”Chtonia” certainly shouldn’t count as a name, so it’s really not that much of a stretch. Kinda feel like maybe she was trying to rob Hill for the vowels in his name as she clearly needs at least one.
Chtonia Battle, 19, of the 1300 block of Belt Avenue, was charged with murder, robbery and two counts of armed criminal action Thursday. Battle was ordered held on $100,000 bail.
Cheers to the STLPD officer who took that mugshot while having the constraint to not kick that stupid tattoo off her face.
Got dang Obama! He took our Menards!
Seriously. The plans for a new O’Fallon, Missouri Menards store are kaput, and according to the Menards press release, you can thank President Obama for that. Clearly the President hates you, guy that already hatest him, and thinks you already have plenty of camouflage jackets. It was a big part of his campaign. We’re surprised you missed the “Jerry has too much camo, and that bright hunter orange looks horrible on him. We have to come together and stop Menards from getting to O’Fallon” commercial.
A statement emailed to the Journal Friday by Menards spokesman Jeff Abbott reads: “I’m very sorry, but we are a family owned business and with the Obama Administration scaring the dickens out of all small businesses in the USA at present, we have decided not to risk expansion until things are more settled.”
Well no one wants you to lose your “dickens”, so lets not build a giant new store, because the economy is bad. Unless…
Officials in O’Fallon and Lake Saint Louis had anticipated hundreds of new jobs and thousands of dollars in tax revenue stemming from construction of a 220,000-square-foot Menards just off the Highway N south outer road, near Old Highway N and Sommers Road.
Ah! Obama made us ruin our own economy that he wanted to ruin all along by getting us to ruin it for…wait, Obama made us…not do stuff because he ruined the economy…by making us ruin the economy…because…um… He took our Menards!