1. Rams’ Steven Jackson vs Cardinals’ Albert Pujols

The two faces of their franchises and two nice guys, beating the hell out each other.  Should be awesome.

Winner? Pujols. Steven Jackson is great, but Pujols never loses.

2. KMOV’s Virginia Kerr vs KTVI’s April Simpson

There’s history here, which will make this a sellout for sure.  Some would see this and think this is some testosterone-fueled idea to see to chicks brawl and they’d be right, if they thought I wanted this to be in bikinis, which I don’t!  I want this fight in the fancy “you should trust me because I’m non-threatening” outfits. Yup, this will be one classy fight.

Also note that this one would have to be in jell-o.

Winner? Virginia Kerr in an upset! She just seems scrappy.

3. St. Louis Rams vs Mizzou Tigers

Sure the sane sports fan in us says “The Rams may be 1-15, but they are still professionals and will wax the floor with a college team.” …the other side of me says “Prove it.”

Winner? Rams. It’ll be closer than it should be though.

4. Charles Jaco vs Adam Sharp

…wait. This one already happened and it was really really really gay.  Not like “I can’t get married because rednecks are scared of me”, but just like…you know…gay.

Winner? No one…or both.  Ties are confusing, They are both lame.  Did that clear it up?

5. Axel Rose vs St. Louis

First there was this…and now its the rematch of the century!  No, no no: F*ck you Axel!

Winner? St. Louis. Axel promises he will come back with a huge awesome new group of people to kick our asses. But we’re betting he won’t or even he does it will be like totally weak, and no one will care.

If you are from Eureka, consider yourself lucky, the chances of you needing to stay in your local Days Inn is pretty slim. Feel bad though for the family that comes in to town to visit Six Flags and say “Hey, a Days Inn, those are usually pretty nice.”

Not this one.

The Eureka Day’s Inn isn’t just bad though, its been voted the second dirtiest hotel in the country!  The second worst in the country!  Think about that.  Think about all the nasty freaking hotels there have to be out there…all but one are better than the Day’s Inn in Eureka.

“If hell had a hotel it would be something like this,” one visitor wrote. “The worst, nastiest hotel I have ever stayed in, in my life. Dirty towels, dirty room. Rude manager. Run from this place as fast as you can!”

Heritage Marina Hotel in San Francisco was named the dirtiest hotel in the nation after guests complained of bed bugs, TripAdvisor said.

“TripAdvisor’s dirtiest hotels list reveals that unfortunately, some hotels take the notion of offering dirt cheap rooms far too literally,” said Christine Petersen, chief marketing officer for TripAdvisor, in a statement. “Our candid traveler reviews prepare future guests for grimy lodgings that might otherwise be an unwelcome surprise.”

We hear a man recently permanently damaged his retinas when he turned on a black light in room 103B.

This whole thing reminds me of a joke.

A family walks in to a talent agency and says to the agent, “We’d like to show you our act.”  The agent curtly replies, “We don’t do family acts.” but after the instance of the family, the agent says “Ok, fine.  You have 5 minutes.”

The family quickly gets ready.  First, the father does a quick tap dance while his son positions himself beneath him on his back. Suddenly dad drops his pants and takes a dump directly in to the open mouth of his son.  It doesn’t take long before the poop is spilling all over the floor.  As the son tries not to choke, the dad takes the son’s pants off and begins to jack him off in to his own face.  On the other side of the room the mother has taken off her pants and the daughter has begun to try and stuff the family’s young baby back in to the mother’s gaping vagina.  After getting the the baby in up to her head, the family dog then begins to go to town on the daughter while she drags out a car battery and clamps the contacts to her nipples.  Suddenly, the whole family stops and says “This is our impression of Haiti” and then the all proceed to shake and fall down on the ground while the dad goes around kicking each of his family members and looting their belongings all while yelling “Aftershock! Aftershock!”  Then they all jump up and yell “Ta da!”

The slack-jawed agent can only stammer out “What do you call that act?!” to which the father replies “A night at the Day’s Inn Eureka!”

We took some famous St. Louis names and ran them through the Internet Anagram Server to find some random letter mixed-up awesomeness. Here’s what we got:

Vandeventer … “Darn Even Vet”

Mark McGwire … “Rim Wreck Mag” [Editor's Note: Sounds as sexy as it does gross.]

Hampton … “Moth Nap”

Busch Stadium … “Basic Mud Huts” [Editor's Note: Is this a hidden critique of the Ballpark Village plans?]

The Post Dispatch … “Spot Patched Shit” [Editor's Note: Wow.]

Leisa Zigman … “Amazing Lies” [Editor's Note: This one is true, we swear and it's freaking awesome!]

Homeless Guy Peeing On My Car … “Snug Paisley Homo Emergency”

Checkout this found video of some guy going off with his yo-yo in downtown!

He’s like one of the Smothers Brothers, but shorter…and younger…and asian.

Anyone know this guy?

What’s better than going to see your favorite girl-movie about non-scary flavors of vampires and werewolves at midnight?  Going there and falling in love…and then smelling her hair…and following her to her house…and stealing things out of her car.  Awww love.

New Moon midnight showing – m4w – 27 (Saint Louis, MO)

I sat behind you at the midnight showing of New Moon the other night. Me: 6 foot, dark hair, long nails, mysterious. You: straight long blond hair, full ruby lips, you were wearing black cargo pants and a twilight hoodie. As your hair draped down behind your sear i just had to hold it and smell it deeply(pantene.great choice). I don’t remember much of the money but I will awlays remember the smell and texture of your hair. The way you sound when you whisper and laugh. After the movie I followed you and your friends to Denny’s. I waited outside in my car so I could watch you eat and smile. I followed you home and made sure you got there safely. I noticed you left your car unlocked so I went to have a look into your life. I can tell by looking in your car that we have a lot in common. If you want your dash ornaments back you will have to meet me and we can have a great time getting to know each other. “grin”

Although I’m happy he  left out the part about his masturbating back in his mom’s basement with Pantene spread on his chest and holding your dash accouterments, but that doesn’t mean the mental picture didn’t show up.

If you are the blonde girl wearing cargo pants described above, change your locks and buy a gun.  Unless you are in to tall, dark mysterious guys with long fingernails…and that are probably required by law to notify all new neighbors of his past transgressions, then go for it. Hell you won’t even have to call him, he’s standing outside your bedroom window right now!

Its December!  So get ready for list after list after list and then a few list tv specials on VH1 about this “crazy” year!  …all the while forgetting that something might happen in the last few weeks.

The first entrant is Google, as they released their 2009 Zeitgeist that lists all kinds of interesting search data from the last year. For instance?  The top 10 search terms for stadiums which Yankee Stadium came in #1 and our own Busch Stadium came in 9th.

More interesting, or rather boring…very, very boring…were the top 10 searches from St. Louis:

ksdk news channel 5

schnucks ad

stlcc

hazelwood school district

insidestl

wehrenberg

parkway school district

weekends only

laclede gas

stl today

Jesus.  Really?  ”Schnucks Ad”?  God we’re freaking boring.  Couldn’t we at least gotten an “Hustler Club” in there?

You know the worst thing about this though, is that when I saw this list I swear I could hear tents getting pitched over at Channel 5’s offices.  They are going to squeeze this thing like the old Becky Queen of Carpet’s ass in to a pair of skinny jeans. Leisa Zigman will probably do a story about it.  Something along the lines of an old lady that was trying to Google for KSDK but instead got something else entirely! [Editor's Note: Dun dun daaa!]  Don’t hit that “I’m Feeling Lucky Button” until after sports and the weather!

Dude!  Oh man, what’s up?!

Don’t you recognize me?!  It’s St. Charles man!  Your boy St. Chuck!  …look, I’ve got a problem man.  Could I get a few bucks from  you?

No no no no!  Its not like that.  Its just…man…times are tough dude and I…I just need a little cash right now to get me through.

Ok ok.  Its not charity man!  I’m selling some stuff!   …um look, here’s a list.  See anything there you like?

I’ve got a Palm!  …kinda like an iPhone.  You need eight cardboard magazine holders?  No?  How about some well worn, 50 foot microphone cables?  Oh wait!  A Zip Drive!  You wanna a Zip Drive?  Its the eight track of the computer world dude!  You need to store something more than a floppy disk but don’t want to care around a cumbersome thumb drive with 22x the storage?  Zip drive that crap dude!

…lets see…what else do I have…

A doorbell that I’m not sure works?  Hmmm?  Office chair, with arms?  You love arms!

…ok fine, then how about you give me five bucks and I won’t stab  you?

[Editor's Note: Everything listed in bold is the exact description from the list of crap they are "auctioning" off Sunday.]

Via our tipsters and STLToday.

Found on the Loop: A tree with these little lovely knitted sleeves.

They look toasty, and the vertical stripes give the tree that sought-after slimming look.

Sometimes things are so awesome, you have no choice but to squeeze a sequel out.  Take Legally Blonde, wait no…Teen Wolf!…err…um…Speed!!  Nevermind.  Movies are a bad example, but Dairy Queen’s “Titz n’ Reefer Bash” from a few days back is!

Oh thats right!  Our eagled-eye’d (or horny, pot smoking) reader has spotted a change to the sign!  Note the now added “2″ on the left but still the same awesome-adding “69″ on the right.

I like to think they these parties are run by a group of rough-around-the-edges but lovable kids that have had a rough go of it and just desperately need the money a party like this brings in to keep their community center safe from an evil old white-guy developer that wants to turn it in to a movie theatre or strip mall.  The problem is that these kids can’t dance, so there goes a money-making dance show, and they can’t sing…but they can get their hands on large amounts of pot and know a bunch of sluts!  Bingo.

You know those things on the side of 44 right on the border of St. Louis County?  You know, those things that look like unfinished buildings that were started way before you were born, or some sort of King Kong cage?  Well, apparently they are natural gas storage tanks and they are coming down!

The natural gas storage tanks owned by Laclede Gas were erected in 1925 and 1941, and have been inactive since 1995.  They sit on just under 6-acres of land, which was purchased by a development firm that plans to grade and seed the soon-to-be-vacant property so it looks “nice” while trying to attract a new owner to build on the site.

This guy (who the quote from above is from) is crushing on them pretty bad and is sad to see them go, but are you?

I guess there is a little nostalgia there in some ways.  I do remember seeing them when I was little and asking what they were.  I believe I got a “I don’t know.” [Editor's Note: Maybe I should give my parents a call and tell them what they actually were.]

I vote for someone buying them, leaving them as is, and putting a giant inflatable king kong in side of of the “cages”.  How kick ass would that be to see when you are driving down 44?!  Answer: Way too kick ass for St. Louis.