When the Ladue News asks for your opinion, maybe you should just expect it to be disregarded. Seriously, who are you to tell them your thoughts on who should be on their Most Dynamic List? No, it doesn’t matter that they asked  for you submissions. It does matter however, they they are better than you. How can I say that? Easy. They put their dogs in matching sweaters and post pictures of the results. You don’t. Game over.

We bring this up because of some fishiness we are hearing about the Ladue News’ latest call to action, namely their call for submissions to add to their on-going “Most Dynamic” list. Forgetting for a second that a “Most Dynamic” list means essentially nothing, several people have been submitting the same fine young gentleman’s name over and over again and the Ladue News people are not only ignoring their submissions, but actually removing their posts from their Facebook page.

For example, check out this comment that backs up the stories we’ve been hearing:

The man in question is Brian Rehg. Rehg is note-worthy in the Ladue because of his amazing job skewering anything and everything Ladue. You might remember that we did a post on this very topic a few months ago: “Ladue Has a Yacht Club? On Facebook They Do.” Can the fine people of the Ladue News not take a little good-natured ribbing? Why wouldn’t the Ladue News not want Rehg on their list if he is getting submissions? Where do you even get turtleneck dog sweaters?!

We contacted the Ladue News Editor in Chief, Dorothy F. Weiner about this issue. Though agreeing that the local paper had the right to add or not add anyone they want to their list, we asked if they had any specific issues with Rehg enough to warrant cleansing their page of all submissions, she had this to say:

We are not aware of this problem. I will forward this to our tech staffer and see if we can remedy it immediately. Thanks to all who submitted Mr. Rehg’s name, and we will most certainly put it on our list for consideration. Sorry for the inconvenience.

In a related story, a shockingly low 4% of Ladue people like nuts on their ice cream. How can you not like nuts on your ice cream?! Delicious.

How’s work going? Boring? Someone yell at you today about nothing? How’s your microwaved lunch taste? Not great I bet. Look out the window…oh. No window? That’s ok, its still just Missouri out there.  Let us drop this on you now: Some kid from St. Charles gets to go spend the weekend in Hawaii for the Pokemon Championship. Swish that around you head for a second.

William “Dema” Boatman, 10, is ranked No. 1 in the world among junior players of the trading card game. He’s won 82 of 93 matches this year, and along the way, he’s racked up two state championships — Missouri and Kansas — a regional championship and $2,500 in college scholarship and prize money. In Hawaii, he’ll be competing for a $7,500 scholarship and other prizes.

Sorry…old fart helpage:

The Pokémon Trading Card Game is a collectible card game with a goal similar to a Pokémon battle in the video game series. Players use Pokémon cards, with individual strengths and weaknesses, in an attempt to defeat their opponent by “knocking out” his or her Pokémon cards.

– Wikipedia

Anyway, Boatman isn’t the only little man getting his name in the news for stuff his parents will show future girlfriends that will make him want to slit his wrists. St. Louis is a hotbed of Poke-action!

Two other boys — Dale Conoyer, 10, of St. Peters, and Alex Krekeler, 9, of Maplewood, are in the junior division, too; their world rankings are 50 and 53, respectively. The others, Andrew Krekeler, 14, of Maplewood (ranked 26th worldwide), and A.J. Lester, 15, of Hazelwood (ranked 36th), will compete in the senior division.

Senior division? 15 huh? You’re in high school now right? You know that look people give you with kinda squinty eyes and a wince, that’s pity.  Maybe if you’re lucky, you’ll win enough to buy a “Real Doll” be set for life.

Young kids looking to break in to the exciting world of Pokemon should be careful. The “fish fry / Poke-a-man” going on at the local Catholic church rectory isn’t exactly the same thing.  Also double check to make sure it isn’t actually taking place at your rectom-ry.

via STLToday

[Editor's Note: We don't have a "Definitely Not Sports" category, so this is going in "Weird"]

Family Week is almost here! August 7th – 14th, get those kids out of the house and…um…do…well…hmm. Frankly this looks pretty depressing.

We don’t have much of a clue what the hell the point of this is, but from the looks of it, there’s no way we would recommend you take a kid anywhere near this. Sure you got the Arch there, and the dates, and then the meta information about the dates showing the names of the days included…just in case you don’t have access to a calendar and are so dumb you can’t figure out the order of the days of the week, but the top of the flyer really tells the bulk of the story with some of the most bizarre pairing of photos and stock photos:

1. People mourning (photo)

2. Dirty white guy getting arrested (stock photo)

3. Boyz in da hood (photo)

4. …no idea. (photo)

5. Guy about to snap and kill a bunch of people at Family Week. (stock)

6. Unhappy white couple. (stock)

…St. Louis Family Week!  Seriously, what the hell is going on here?!

Oh and this was also apparently important enough to make the flyer:

“Headlights on during the day”

WTF?! Does any of this make sense to anyone out there?! How was this worthy of putting on the windshield of the Punching Kitty mobile?! …at least try to get my attention with some douche-bag DJ I’ve heard of coming to some douche-bag club I’ve also never heard of. This shit just makes our head hurt.

Driving down Forest Park Parkway, the “intra-city 40″ and a truck pulls in the lane ahead.

Seems small though. Can’t figure out what’s wrong with this thing, but something is off. Wait a minute…that’s a Ford Escort…that is a Ford Escort truck!  …which aren’t supposed to exist and thus are like a chick with a third boob. You know, like at first you hear about it and you are like “Whoa! Three boobs?! That sounds awesome…and then you get there and after looking at it, its not quite right and makes everything look off because they aren’t lined up horizontally, but the third one is aligned vertically with the right boob making her look like some sort of weird dog girl which isn’t what you were hoping.  …maybe if there were four and she was evened out…no, even then, its just wrong and your dreams and expectations tempered like so many Saved by the Bell-themed wet dreams after watching Showgirls.

Have you ever really needed a truck but only had an old 4-door car? Lets say you did. Now let me ask you this: In that situation, would you think to yourself “Well I’ve got a shit-load of time on my hands! Lets just make a truck out of my Ford Escort!”

No. You wouldn’t think that. This guy did though. Thought it. Did it. …and now he is legend.

More photos after the jump!

Read the rest of this entry »

Some random site that reported that Mars (the candy company) said that St. Louis is the 6th manliest city, so it must be true. Web sites just don’t make things up for links you know?! …also did we mention that there is a secret Air Force base under the Edward Jones Done? The entrance is in the gift shop where no one would think to look.

Via the “Top 50 Manliest Cities” study, COMBOS® – the hearty, pretzel and cracker snack made with real cheese – examines what makes a city manly and ranks 50 major metropolitan areas using criteria such as number of professional sports teams, popularity of power tools and frequency of monster truck rallies. Cities also lose ranking points for emasculating characteristics like the abundance of home furnishing stores, high minivan sales and subscription rates to beauty magazines.

St. Louis was only topped by, in descending order: Nashville, Charlotte, Oklahoma City, Cincinnati, and Denver.

Other notable placements were Phoenix at #22, New Orleans at #27, Las Vegas at #28, Boston at #38, Chicago at #46 and New York coming in at the bottom-feeding, no-chest-hair-having #50.

So ladies from other parts of the country…look at your home town…now back to St. Louis…now back to your home town…now back here. The Arch is now diamonds. I’m on a Clydesdale.

via Best Places.net

Everyone knows those Dirt Cheap ads with that dumb Chicken jumping around. What you didn’t know is that Dirt Cheap has spent upwards of $9.2 Million dollars in advertising between 1993 – 2009!

That little detail was a nugget of WTF information embedded in the court documents about the trademark lawsuit between Dirt Cheap and competitor Cheap Cheap.

Dirt Cheap, a chain of 12 St. Louis-area discount liquor and cigarette stores, filed a suit this week in federal court in St. Louis against the owners of stores called “Cheap Cheap,” alleging trademark infringement.

“Dirt Cheap’s success attracts opportunists seeking to pirate its famous trademarks for their start-up retail establishments,” according to the suit. “Defendants are unabashedly infringing and diluting Dirt Cheap’s famous trademarks.”

$9.2 Million! Jesus. For that amount of money, you could buy Adam Wainwright’s current contract with the Cardinals 6 times or get us to blow you 184 Million times.

How much do chicken suits cost?

via St. Louis Business Journal

Editor’s Note: As noted and verified, the actual number is “nine point two” million, not “ninety-two” million. Big difference! The post has been updated above (in red) with our apologies. We’re not sure if we copied the original article wrong, or they had it wrong initially as well. Point being, our numbers are off for the things you could buy with that money. You could not purchase Wainwright’s contract 6 times over. The part about us blowing you 184 Million times is still correct however as our prices have dropped since the original time of this writing.

Midtown restaurant The Fountain on Locust has been nominated and is now a finalist for the America’s Best Restroom contest being put on by the Cintas Corporation, who makes crappers, but probably doesn’t like people calling them “crappers”.

What’s so special about The Fountain on Locust?

The Fountain on Locust’s bathroom was picked because of its hand-painted murals, ornate fixtures and designer mirrors.

You can vote online for the final round at www.bestrestroom.com, and then go poop in your now obviously lame bathroom.

via KMOV

From the website, Texts From Last Night, we present to you the Top 10 texts from the 314 area code!

#10:

i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.

#9:

Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.

#8:

I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.

#7:

I mean I like that it’s warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can’t walk around naked anymore.

#6:

Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.

#5:

screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that’s all.

#4:

I still can’t believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.

#3:

I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.

#2:

I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.

#1:

WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?

You people are weird.

Add it to the list of things St. Louis gets: Underground explosions.

Around 5p Wednesday evening, City Hall was shaken by an underground explosion, which they said it was a blown transformer…no, not the cool kind of Transformer, but the boring kind that AmerenUE breaks every winter and summer…and fall…and spring.

Government excuses bullshit.

Our guess?

That’s were we buried former Cardinal Ray King after we “traded” him a while back. Turns out he was just sleeping and he’s pissed. This is gonna be just like Cloverfield, but it will be sweatier and with more walks.

via Globe Democrat (but they were straight suckers believing AmerenUE’s transformer story.)

Ok…there’s no reason we can’t all walk away from this. Click on an ad? Sure. Whatever you want…um which one? Uh…we mean we don’t see them because they are so unobtrusive and not at all annoying when they roll over what I’m trying to read and can’t go back up. Look, if you want to keep paying Jeff Gordon to do who knows what, that’s fine. It has nothing to do with us…lets just not take this to a point where you can’t turn back man. Was it the racists in your forums that drove you to this point where you are pulling a piece on your web readers? We’re just trying to understand. “Site on site” crime really has to stop! Jesus, just one time cite a blogger as a source when they beat you to the punch!

Ok…ok…lets just take a deep breath. I didn’t mean to come at you that way, and you are still pointing a gun at me. We can figure this out…

I’m thirsty. I’m just going to reach down to get some water…woah! It’s cool. It’s cool. I just need to reach in here, really slowly and get this…

Bad ass gun we’re turning sideways cuz we are crazy tough!

BAM! BAM! BAM!

Don’t f*ck with us. Now we are going to bang your girlfriend, Suburban Journal.

Screenshot from 6/10/2010