The socially retarded hate “church” that runs the site godhatesfags.com (no, they don’t get a link) will be in town Saturday, July 17th, to put up stupid signs and march around so everyone will look at them.

Here are snippets of their pubic itinerary:

2:00p – 2:30p @ Staenberg Family JCC

You know how to read? Open a paper, or any website news page. I mean do you know that Egypt has made a law that any Egyptian man married to a Jewess shall lose their citizenship? Hello?! [...] You all have to be deaf, dumb and blind to not see what is happening on the national stage.

You would have to be lying to yourself if you don’t realize that if there are more than 60 people in your little protest group, that at least 2-4 of  you are actually gay. Stats don’t lie, just old white guys that hide their feelings until they have a few beers in them and the bus boy at the local Ponderosa walks by a little too close.

6:15p – 7:00p @ Busch Stadium

Since you media types like to know precisely why WBC pickets at different locations; how does this work for you?: Missouri passed laws to stop the preaching of WBC, and each of you is individually guilty of that great sin.

Pfft. Oh yeah, like you’re the first person to tell us we are going to hell. Is that what you are saying? It sure sounds like you are saying we are going to end our life in a overly warm place with lots of grouchy mean people in it…like Florida, but not real. We can live with that.

7:10p – 8:00p @ Scotttrade Center (Lady GaGa concert)

Now what type of wicked hypocrites would we be if we did not warn this little false prophetess and all of her over-indulged sycophants that they are each one, individually heading straight to hell in a gender-confused, self-loathing, tone-deaf hand basket and that a gift from the God they hate? So, we made a couple of songs just for this event. You like Gaga’s songs? Here’s some lines from two of WBC’s parodies of them: Poker face, revamped as No Poker Face: “You wanna strut like you’re unique, but baby please “Monster,” “Lady GayGay,” “Show your teeth,” “This is all me.” (God hates you)

If you think a woman that walks around wearing stuff like above is going to be hurt when you call her “Lady GayGay” you got another thing coming. Plus “Lady GayGay” is so weak. Other hate groups are bullying on a 7th grade level, you guys are still stuck on calling people the equivalent of  ”doodie heads”.

Hey perverted priests! These are the people you should be raping.

Remember last week’s post about the rapper getting bitch slapped while trying to lay his thang down? (“St. Louis Rapper Slapped Mid-Freestyle“) Well here’s a little YouTube follow up commentary from MissLaurenB18

Take aways from your one-on-one with Miss Lauren:

1. She doesn’t want to get hit in the jaw because she was licking ice cream.

2. It was random.

3. Dude was ignorant.

4. She’s “not even white”.

5. Stop hating on each other.

6. We should be family.

7. Please rate her.

[Editor's Note: Eh. I'll say a 7.5 out of 10, but without seeing the whole package its really just a guesstimate.]

A recent opinion piece posted in the Post Dispatch recently is making the rounds. The piece, written by UMSL professor Charles D. Schmitz is entitled “St. Louis is a world-class city” it’s a well-written rah-rah piece that someone from another town might brush off as self-aggrandizing, it makes some pretty cogent points.

The focus of the piece is one major issue: St. Louis City should swallow St. Louis County. Schmitz ran the data as if that was the case and came up with the following:

- St. Louis would suddenly fly from 53rd to the 7th biggest city in the US. Seventh!

- Including the county in all metrics and our high crime rate drops to below the national average.

- Same with our currently high dropout rate and shittastic (our word, not his) schools. Adding in the country and we peak above the national average.

In the world we live in, our failure to do this simple act will relegate us to the ash heap of history. On the other hand, merging the city and county into a “city” as defined by the U.S. Census Bureau, will increase our status, bring us unimaginable opportunities and change the perception that we are a third-rate city with a rank of 53 to our deserved lofty ranking of seven.

You can’t deny the data points here, adding the County to the city limits seems like a great idea from the city perspective…but its going to be crazy difficult to get the county to go along with this.

Let me put it to you this way. If you were an old crack head with no education and someone said “Wouldn’t it be awesome if you were banging that younger, attractive, but kinda prude chick over there?” Of course it would! No brainer. …not a great thing for that chick though. It might turn out great, but just try to convince her of that now.

Its happened to us before and we’ve heard this more than a few times, so congratulations, its a pattern now St. Louis: We have retarded kids running around barking at people.

Oh we’re sorry, are you not familiar? Let us share how this usually goes…

Us: Hey! You made it.

Them: Yeah, no problems…well we got barked at, but other than that.

Us: What?

Them: We were driving down the street and some guy barked at us while waiting at a stoplight.

Us: What do you mean you were “barked at”?

Them: …we were barked at. Ruff ruff! Some guy leaded out his window and barked at us. Really weird.

The description for the barkers is always, and sadly, the same: 3 or 4 black guys in a car. Same goes for the barkees: 2 – 4 white people in a car. Settle down you alarmists out there…that’s the facts, plain and simple.

Seriously, barking at people?! What are these people thinking?

Our guess? I seems like the kids are trying to scare someone or get a rise out of their target, and frankly most of the time they probably succeed. But barking? Here’s a tip, if you want to scare someone barking’s not the way. The idea behind getting a rise out of someone is to surprise them, if you surprise them with how fucking retarded you are, that’s not really the point. If the goal is to try to get a rise out of a certain race, which is how it comes off, then congratulations, you’re a dirty racist. Good work. Way to be progressive. Fuck you. You’re not Dave Chappelle making some interesting and funny comment on race relations, you’re just making it look like everyone St. Louis is overrun by morons…which to be fair, isn’t far off, but we’re trying to keep this crap a secret and you’re blowing it.

There can’t be that many “barkers” in town, but it has to stop. This kind of shit is not helping any of the following issues with St. Louis:

1. People not wanting to visit the city.

2. The general belief that if you grew up in the city’s school district you are clinically retarded, no matter how smart you started out.

3. Lingering racial stress.

Lets get together St. Louis and stop barking at random people and while we’re at it stop giving in what “barkers” are left roaming the streets. Here’s what we did when we were barked at a few months ago: Dude walked past us on the sidewalk and we made eye contact, but before I could do the traditional head-nod of “I don’t know you, you don’t know me, but hey, hope things are going well for you.” he leans forward and barked in my face.  We didn’t even blink as he walked past. See, he didn’t realize it, but we’ve seen a black person before him and were unafraid, just like if a white guy barked in our face…same thing.

…now if a Puerto Rican barked in our face, we would have probably wet ourselves, but a black guy? Come on. That’s just silly.

Editor’s Note: DMX picture above because we think he started this some how. To be clear DMX is now a nobody filming his Behind the Music while being one of the thousands of washed up stars that found Jesus a starting a ministry. Congrats DMX, you are now in the same category as Daniel Baldwin!

The sun was slowing cooking us and we felt drastically under-dressed, but we were there, in the crowd, for St. Louis’ annual Pride Parade yesterday.

Great crowd (in both size and energy) and as always, visually interesting. We had a great time hanging out (though not as much fun as the guy picture above had hanging out) and putting together another Punching Kitty photo montage, which you can watch below or in HD at our Vimeo page.

We will happily post our whole set of photos if requested, but this is our favorite shot:

Hey guess what 2010, your not really all that advanced and progressive as Twitter would have you believe. Black guys are still getting pulled over at an alarmingly higher rate.

The first report, issued in 2001, said black motorists in Missouri were 30 percent more likely than whites to be pulled over, when considering total populations of driving-age residents by race. For 2009, the year that Koster reported upon today, blacks were 62 percent more likely than whites to be stopped.

[Emphasis added.] This seems like something we should be shocked about, but I just can’t muster the surprise. Hell the other day I leaned out of my car and fired an automatic weapon at the side of a children’s hospital and I only got pulled over later on because the cops had found all those bullets I “dropped”. My experience was in stark contrast to that of the “Ladue Black Guy” Jerry who after being pulled over every day last year when he left his house for work opted for “voluntary parole” just so he could check in every morning and save some commute time.

That last part was a joke. It wasn’t everyday, the Ladue cops don’t work on Sundays.

Hispanics are even less likely than whites to be stopped, according to that formula, although Hispanics were twice as likely as whites to be searched — a rate even higher than the rate of police searches of black motorists they stop.

So if the cops do make time in their busy pulling over black dudes with the occasional white guy for cover schedule, they might grab a hispanic guy. …but watch out, if they do get you, its gonna count. They’re gloving up for you buddy.

Turning to the section on those with Middle Eastern decent, it was just most blank page that said, “We don’t care about terrorists getting pulled over.” with a vulgar little drawing.

Seemed like an odd choice.

via STLToday

We all know East St. Louis sucks. Really sucks. Like, “Why can’t  you just call yourself ‘West Chicago’?” sucks. But do you know why? Not just the shootings and the hookers, but why there are shootings and hooker? …and why most eastern parts of other towns suck the same way, albeit, much less?

Take it away science!

The reason for this is that in much of the northern hemisphere, the prevailing winds are westerlies – blowing from west to east. The massive, unchecked pollution from these early industries would therefore drift eastward, making the air quality much lower in the east end of cities, lowering the desirability (and price) of the housing. Middle classes preferred the cleaner west ends.

The issue was probably even pre-Industrial Revolution, as smoke from personal chimneys would still have caused problems to the east.

Oh hey mind. You’ve got a crazy little sly smile going on there…you weren’t just blown by chance were you?!

We asked Science if it had any explanation as to what’s going on down in South County. It’s still working on that one…right now their best guess is syphilis. Sounds right to us.

via The Januarist

May 16th marked the beginning of “Milk Week” and in St. Louis, it began with a “Kiss-In” at the downtown City Garden.

How did this event slip by us? You would have thought with all the media coverage it got there’s no way we could have possibly…oh that’s right the media didn’t cover this at all.

The other day we swear one of the new stations thought they were covering a protest on the steps of City Hall, but it turns out to be 3 homeless guys sleeping and one taking a crap in the corner. It seems like every little stinking event in the world one of our news stations covers it, but the Milk Week Kiss-In? …not so much.

Take a look at the video below. Is it really that “gross” that those two bearded gentlemen are kissing? No its not…no more than any other couple making out in public. We have some shocking news for the hoosier rocking a sleeveless mesh shirt and jorts reading this right now freaking out right now reading this: You and your wife the size of a baby elephant eating face isn’t exactly something I want to run across in public either…we have our hidden camera footage for that.

Seriously, it really doesn’t matter what side of this “issue” you are on. None of the stations mind covering the annual Pride Parade since everyone is sticking to the comfortable norms of being flamboyant, and as fun as that looks on film, this is arguably more newsworthy than the parade. Even if you disagree, its an event like any other that is covered any day, and don’t even try to pretend it wasn’t a big enough story because every one of the stations tries all week to pass off stories that consist of pure ether as news.

Exhibit A:

KMOV, channel 4: “8th grader flips teacher off; banned from graduation”

KSDK, channel 5: “Infomercial pitchman Kevin Trudeau avoids time in Illinois jail”

KTVI, channel 2: “University of Illinois Raising Tuition“

No doubt that not one of those stories are more news worthy than a gay rights protest celebrating a, now well-known, slain politician. Not only are these stories perfect examples of that, but each of these outlets manages to find time to put at least three of their reporters in big hooded jackets in different, but equally nondescript locations throughout the city if we even see snowflake one. Maybe that would have been the move to ease the reporters in to, god forbid, covering something they weren’t interested in…let them wear their big station branded hooded jackets. Zip it all the way up though, you don’t want to let any of the gay in.

Well done St. Louis media. Keep up the slanted work.

According to KMOX State Representative Jamillah Nasheed and Alderman Antonio French talked to gang members and got them to help in an O’Fallon Park cleanup project.

French met with some gang members recently and helped them come up with “Operation Unity” — a weekly community clean-up effort, “They care about our community, too. They live here and grew up here. Many have kids of their own living here. They want to bring up the quality of life in their neighborhood. We’re getting them involved, organized, and working together.”

French followed up, “We still had to bribe them though.”

French says as an incentive, the area will get a new basketball court and the gang members may possibly get some construction work.

How do you even go about contacting a gang?  Is there some sort of hotline, or do you have to mark the back side of a mailbox and then meet them in a dark alley where they cover your head and take you to their liar to meet their leader sitting on a throne made of stolen car stereos with like four janky looking white chicks with cornrows and bikinis all around him? …then you find out that he’s not the leader at all. It’s actually the old white guy that has a really important job so that no one would ever think it was him. He’ll end up getting greedy and get exposed though by the grizzled cop after his young partner is killed in the line of duty.

If you are wondering what movie I’m referencing, the answer is: All of them.

via KMOX

So Missouri Attorney General Chris Koster is whining about Craiglist again.

Koster met with representatives from craigslist exactly a year ago, demanding the company take action to eliminate advertisements for prostitution and other illegal activities on its site. Nine days after the meeting, craigslist announced major changes to its site, including eliminating the “erotic services” section and manually screening for nude photos and illegal activities such as prostitution.

Despite all this, Koster and other state attorneys general have found that prostitutions [sic] ads are still found on craigslist.

Gasp! Oh no!

We can’t imagine the pain people possibly hooking on Craiglist is causing Chris Koster. I hear his wife won’t give it up knowing that you can actually get paid for that as opposed to her gig that entails fake smiling at events and all the dress suits she can fit in her closet.

…also…um…you just “found” them huh? …ok. Well we want to look too! Lets go find some Craigslist hooker ads!

Our first Craiglist Hooker (above) hails from “sexytown” (sounds made up) and says she “is the one.” So, stop looking!  Also her name is Ms. Passion which, to us, seems like quite a coincidence that with that name she ended up being a hooker.

Our next Craiglist Hooker went a took the time to go to Hooker Glamour Shots. It’s the small touches that we appreciate. Don’t even bother heading her direction unless you are in for a naughty time…oh you are? Forget we said anything then.

Lastly we have this lovely creature hailing from “Fifteen minutes from Downtown” which we hear is lovely this time of year. She spends her time posing in front of vinyl siding and secretly being a dude. Yup. It’s a dude.

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So which one of these horrible menaces to society are you going to vote for? Vote on any standard you like. We don’t care. Just know that posts like the ones we reference are horrible things and need to be removed from society because its clear these well…women…whatever…are forcing people to go and look at their ads and purchase their services. This is huge problem we need our Attorney General on 100%, isn’t that right homeless guy, SLU rape victims, old people being ripped off by email scams and other people who could actually use help?

Way to go Chris Koster.

via St. Louis Business Journal