A dead guy in a cemetery?! Oh no!

Frankly the police tape seems a bitch much in this situation.  Zombies would just walk right through that crap.

via Globe Democrat

According to our sources the St. Louis Cardinals have had internal discussions about trading injured so-so shortstop Brendan Ryan to the New York Yankees for All-Star third baseman Alex Rodriguez.

It is not clear whether the Cardinals have brought this idea to the attention of the Yankees. Even if the Yankees were actually to consider this offer it might be a difficult to one to work out as A-Rod is a good contributor and has recently bonded with the New York fans after reclaiming the World Series title in 2009.

We asked a Cardinals’ official about these internal discussions who responded only with “What?! This is completely stupid…wait, how did you get this number?”

Money could be a possible issue on this deal as Rodriguez makes a staggering $27.5 Million dollars a year, but the issue is side-stepped as the Cardinals’ internal discussions involve the Yankees picking up all of the money owned to Rodriguez for some reason. Also the internal discussions involve the Yankees would deliver muffins to the Cardinals on the completion of the deal.

This news may well echo the recent news of the Phillies internal discussions involving a trade of Ryan Howard to the Cardinals for reigning MVP Albert Pujols.  Speaking of that deal, here’s what Buster Onley, the story’s author, had this today in his blog (ESPN Insider required):

About the Howard/Pujols story the other day: What was written was dead-on.

I did not write that there were ongoing discussions between the two teams.
I did not write that the Cardinals had an inclination to deal Pujols.
I did not write that the Phillies are looking to dump Ryan Howard.

Internal discussions are part of the sport. It’s how the Phillies got to the point that they pursued Mike Lowell and Halladay, in spite of their flat denials. I once wrote a story about their serious interest in Lowell, and club executives shot it down as untrue; an assertion that was, in itself, completely untrue.

Internal discussions are how the Cardinals got to the point that they made a deal last summer for Matt Holliday. Quite frankly, if the Phillies’ executives didn’t have those kinds of conversations, they wouldn’t be doing their jobs.

And as a reporter, when you have confirmed information that the Phillies have discussed internally an avenue through which they might pursue the best player in baseball — and you know exactly who said what to whom, and how sturdy the intent was — that is news.

The only difference was, in this case, that the internal conversations were about two superstars. And while it may be inconvenient to some, it’s credible.

Not only that, but Buster was also a guest on 101 ESPN’s Burwell and Someoneelse show. Don’t get shocked now, but Burwell didn’t exactly ask the important questions as much as verbally fellate Olney over the WXOS airwaves. The “interview” consisted of them bashing everyone for not reading the Olney piece and then Burwell saying that he “feels Olney’s pain.”

Look guys, yes there were those that, for some reason, read Olney’s piece and thought a trade was in the works, but I think they are the minority.  The real question is: How is this even news?  Buster himself even says in his reply

Quite frankly, if the Phillies’ executives didn’t have those kinds of conversations, they wouldn’t be doing their jobs.

And I think we can all agree that probably every MLB team at one point or another, has said internally “How the hell do we get Pujols on his team.”  So once again we ask, how the hell is this news?  We usually like Buster Olney, but later this season, please don’t tell us all about the internal discussions the Phillies have about where to go to lunch.

According to local news station KTVI, Fox 2 John Gadson has been a reporter there for 10 years which is surprising since I’ve  never seen him before until this report crossed our desk. We’re starting to understand why, and so will you if you watch the video of his latest “reporting” below.

Wait. Was this about a juvenile?  I couldn’t tell if it was about a juvenile because Gadson didn’t say juvenile enough so it was tough to tell if this report was about a juvenile. Juvenile.

Something tells me that if the cameraman panned back a bit you’d find Gadson wasn’t wearing any pants…or maybe he had to bottom half of a chicken costume on. We are happy to see the man he interviewed played along and pretended he was actually involved by making up some crap about the lady “fussing and hollering”.  After this report, Gadson probably curled up on the ground under a cardboard box and when they went back to him for an update, he was taking a crap behind one of the wrecked cars.

Please tell me that this is some sort of awesome joke and the Fox 2 camera man bet Gadson $20 to do a report with his best Bill Cosby impression. I half expected Gadson to tell me how the juvenile drove his car in to a “glass, plate glass door” and then turn around and tell me to try a pudding pop. (Gadson shown below holding a pudding pop.)

Also note that at some point you can hear Tom O’neil back at the studio about to lose his shit watching amateur hour which makes me like Tom O’neil a little more than before, which is to say I now remember who Tom O’neil is.

via KTVI

March has been here a while, but only after last Sunday did college basketball fans really start to feel like its here as the NCAA Men’s Basketball tournament is about to begin. This is especially true for our little town as once again we get to host a large chunk of said tournament and according to one CBS analyst, its going to be just like…the Bang Bus pornos?!

For those unfamiliar with the Bang Bus series, here is how Wikipedia describes it:

Each video consists of a typical everywoman who is “picked up on the street,” and is then persuaded to engage in sexual intercourse with men in the back of a van (usually while it’s driving) – the titular Bang Bus. Each storyline usually ends with the woman being dropped off naked, unpaid and in the wrong location, shouting at the men as they drive off laughing. The series is shot primarily in Miami, Florida.

That’s coming to town!? Please be true…please be true…please be true…

Judging by Jim Natz’s reaction, no, its not true.

What the hell was he trying to say there?  …and of all things to say.  I mean, don’t get us wrong, we would love so see a little Bang Bus action in the ‘Lou as much as anyone, but we just don’t exactly equate that particular kind of action with college basketball or St. Louis.  I mean I see that kind of action all the time, but it generally involves a shorter bus with a lift in the back and a lot more screaming than the traditional Bang Bus fare.

This KSDK “I’m Just Sayin’” thing is such a trainwreck I can’t help but not mention it just one more time here.  Why?  Because I finally remembered again that KSDK was doing this and found one I was looking forward the most on their site: Tammie Holland.

If you aren’t familiar, this is the spicy little vixen that had this crazy off the cuff conversation igniting statement in channel 5’s promos for the “I’m Just Sayin’” feature:

Ladies here’s a tip. If you own one of these..

[points to her cellphone]

Keep your clothes on.

Oh man.  She did not just go there.  I can’t wait to see the heat she brings in her full feature!

So you get your chance to be featured as the token black person a radio host on channel 5 and you bring the heat with “What’s with all the people selling girl scout cookies at work?”  What didn’t make the cut Tammie? Did you think of other burning topics like “How ’bout this weather huh?” and “Geez.  Look at that guy.  No no, the other one. What’s that about?”

Then she pulls out the ole “Are we being too easy on our kids?” argument saying that schilling for cheese and sausage at work is making little Billy soft.  Yeah, I don’t think a sign up sheet taped to the outside of your cubicle is making Billy a pussy, that’s already been taken care of by the peanut allergy you assumed he had and the 6 ADD drugs you pump in him daily so he’ll just listen in class.

Well, we just don’t know how Tammie Holland does it, day in and day out, bringing up the tough topics. Don’t miss her exciting next KSDK turn where she throws around verbal blows like “Have you ever noticed how different guys are than girls?!  It’s like they’re from another planet!”

Oh man! Can’t wait!  Derp!

via KSDK

We have learned friend-of-the-site Trish Gazall is leaving her post on 550AM as John Brown’s sidekick on the midday show The Mindset.

Efforts to get a comment from Trish have returned nothing so far, but we do know that she is leaving on her terms and it was believed she is leaving because she was looking for a job a bit more musically inclined rather than the talk-focused KTRS job.

Which 106.5 The Arch jock did we hear recently opined on the internet about how much they hate the company they shill for?

If you sons of bitches were not paying me to say that I liked u I would switch providers in a heart beat. ASSWHOLES [sic]

Service provider huh?  We’re guessing they are compaining about what everyone complains about: Charter  …or it could be that anal wart cream delivery service.  Bastards are always late.

Wait wait wait.  Are you telling me that when an on-air personality says something is awesome, they are sometimes just doing it for the money?!  Say it ain’t so!  The Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, massages with happy endings and Mark McGwire’s home run records are real though right?

KSDK debuted their all new “I’m Just Sayin’” segment where they apparently allow any one that has been on the radio to talk about mindless and poorly thought out things on TV.

This idea can’t fail.

When asked for a comment on how letting random people blather on about their biased opinions on a news program sounded like a good idea, a KSDK spokesman replied ”Look, everyone else has been bending over the ghost of actual journalism and repeatedly fisting it for a while now.  Its time News Channel 5 gloves up and gets a handful.”

The first of this segment featured 92.3 WIL’s morning show host Cornbread.  So as if the colloquial “Sayin’” in the segment’s title wasn’t enough, its pretty obvious with this booking we clearly aren’t even pretending that this will be a serious thing.  Cornbread decided to take on the United State’s two party governmental system, you know so he could really get something attainable done with his time on TV.

Does anyone out there feel that politicians are working for us anymore?  Doing what would make our lives better?  Because I don’t. They are beholden to that little “(D)” and “(R)” in front of their name and we the people are a distant afterthought.  That’s why there are so many independents out there because people are sick of the parties so let’s scrap it all and have one political party with a big “(P)”.  Your party.  The People’s Party baby!

So next is the part where he says…”But we need a leader!  Some who can run this system but still make time for prank calls and allow for music breaks when our leader needs to pee or eat the food payola that someone brought in this morning. What? Ok, I’ll do it!”

Next up in this list of things a commercial would be better than are: Julie Buck, McGraw Milhaven, Tony Scott, Jamie Allman and of course Tammy Holland who tells girls if they own a cell phone to “keep their clothes on” in the currently running KSDK promo.  Oh no she didn’t! Damn girl you crazy, but you sure are telling it like it is!  What a great unheard of insite!  I’m not sure I can handle her real, in my face, atitude!

We are hearing from our friends at STLMedia.net that Punching Kitty super-fan, as well as 550 talk show host and Fox2 reporter Charles Jaco might have some files charged against him.  No details other than that yet.

We do however have proof that Chuck ain’t one for the comebacks.  STLMedia via SharpElbows.net posted a recent video recorded by someone at a Tea Party rally trying to get a rise out of Jaco.

Jaco didn’t fare well.  Actually neither side did.

After being pushed by the uploader to say what the term “tea bagging” meant, Jaco just repeated “Well do you know what it is?”  Zing!  Jaco 1, other guy 0.  Then the video gets boring as the video guy and Jaco partake in a verbal slap fight, neither one of them coming out looking all that smart or witty.

Here’s the end result…

Jaco comes off looking mean, and frankly, very unbecoming of a reporter who is supposed to be objective while reporting the news.  None of this is a surprise mind you given our history with him.

The camera holder, doesn’t come off looking well either.  He comes off looking desperate in trying to bait Jaco and then overreacting when he was “bumped” by the Fox 2 reporter.  This may surprise you, especially Jaco, but if he is getting charges for the “bumping” in this video, then that’s a farce.  Jaco shouldn’t have done it, but we don’t agree with charges on something as stupid as that.

Wait.  What’s that?  Oh, I’m already bored with this story.

Check out the video on YouTube

[Editor's Note: Just to be clear, we have just found this video and are linking to it for news purposes.  We haven't met Charles Jaco or the other guy in the video, and all of the above are theories and jokes.  Also, its time for the Soul Train Line! We wish you love, peace and soul!]

For the second time in the last few weeks the Globe Democrat, St. Louis’ newest (but also totally old) news source, has made themselves look a little silly.

First there was their public tiff with Post Dispatch sports columnist Bernie Miklasz that columnated in an “Why is everyone always picking on me?” post from their sports editor…you know because guys that did nothing wrong always have to explain themselves…

Then today, the very Globe Democrat reporter that came in second place to Miklasz in the “Who is buying the Rams” sweepstakes stepped in it again.  Way to go annoying radio voice, and overly inflated talking head Howard Balzer!

Like most things these days, all the action happened over Twitter.

Step One: Say something that everyone is going to go crazy about but still really vague:

Woah!  Huge scoop there Balzer!  Everyone wants to see Bulger lose his horns, and this is huge.  There is one little detail though… (thanks to Bernie)

Well either the Rams let go of a whole lot of players today, or Balzer jumped the gun.  Lets see how he covers his bearded ass on this one…

Um, ok.  So why did the other 59 guys pack up?  Because they did expect to get back?  Nice try.

In other news, Steven Jackson blew his nose and Coach Spags took a dump.  Interpet those as you wish.