Lets start off Friday with some catching up on some news that while important, we didn’t deem as potentially funny as the “Web Center” and a Rally’s shootout.

1. St. Louis based online retailer w00t.com was sold to Amazon.com. What do you mean you’ve never heard of it?! …you have a tan don’t you?

2. Metro debuts new “trollies” (read: Busses with stickers on them). How does this help that fact that you can take the Metrolink downtown at night, but not back home after the bars close? Next month Metro will start just standing outside their office jingling their keys yelling “Who wants to go for a ride?!”

3. Don Coryell died. The Cardinals old coach. No, not those Cardinals. How old are you? …nevermind.

4. This might be the creepiest mugshot duo ever. They’re from Rolla. Figures one of the 7 girls there would look like this.

5. Clownvis.

If you didn’t know, we were on vacation most of last week (and it turned out, yesterday as well…whoops!).

So, what did we miss?

Now back in the saddle, here’s what we could figure out:

1. A few months back, two cops from LaGrange shot a chained dog. Now its a viral video. (See what I did there? I linked to a story the RFT did instead of just doing the repeat thing which isn’t our style…but happens. )

2. St. Louis area TGI Friday’s might be pulling a “Wendy’s”. TGI Friday’s? Eh. No big deal. You can always just go to Applebee’s or any of the other 30+ area places like them. Wendy’s though? Please come back! The nuggets, the side salads, the fries you dip in to your Frosty! So good…but not good enough to drive over to 170 and Page for.

3. A couple of AM stations talked like they mattered. KFNS is going to buy KSLG?! OMG! This is huge news! If only we were in town and had the $57 bucks in cash in our pockets! Damn.

*knock knock*

Us: Hello?

Mr. Opportunity: Hey. It’s Opportunity. Just wanted to let you know that I tried to find you last week, but you were gone.

Us: I know. Took a little vacation.

Mr. Opportunity: Well you could have had an AM radio station that came with a free drive-time show hosted by some ass that like to hear himself talk for free.

Us: Oh man…damn.

Mr. Opportunity: Yup. Sucks for you.

Us: Who did  you find Opportunity?

Mr. Opportunity: I found Dave Greene from KFNS. He was working on his time machine idea again, slipped and hit his head on the sink and decided radio still made money and he bought another AM station! …totally hit him up at the right time. Made some good commission.

Us: Nice. What’s he going to do with two AM stations?

Mr. Opportunity: Pretend he’s important and owns something that matters right up until he has to sell it like everyone else has.

Us: Ah. Makes sense…by that time, surely in the distant future, AM radio will be seen by everyone as effectively gone for all but a few key stations with huge signals.

Mr. Opportunity: Yup. Jan, 3rd 2011. Seems far away doesn’t it?

A year seems so long ago. Isn’t that what you are supposed to say when you talk about things that were a year ago? We don’t know. What we do know is that every time we hear the word long we giggle. Well no matter how you start this out, we’ve gotten a lot of new readers in the last few months, so here are some classics.

Missed Connections: Get Your Nerd Freak On!

I know what you are thinking right?  ”I wish there were photos!”  Guess whaaaaaaattttttttt!

Chris Perez We Hardly Knew Ye

Last night the Cardinals acquired the guy every one knew they wanted, Mark DeRosa, from the Cleveland Indians in exchange for “close of the future” Chris Perez

The Chicago Tribune Writes A Guide to St. Louis

Just for a second St. Louis think about any other place where you would go along with the whims of a hairy-backed drunk in a sleeveless t-shirt or a 8 year old?  Exactly, nowhere.

Kay Quinn Tweets Through Her Furlough

I know  you can find a better photo than that for your Twitter picture!  Just snap off a couple of shots on set tonight, you are definitely looking better than this old headshot these days!

Here are some links for things going on today you might be interested. Picked just for you, because we like you so much. Is that a new shirt? Looks great. Have  you been working out? …oh. Just the shirt then? Still looking good though!

1. The Cardinals lost. No the Diamondbacks are not good.
2. Someone at Boeing is striking again. Still checking if anyone other than them cares…wait all done…no.
3. The guy that writes the stuff for “gossip” columnist Jerry Berger thinks the Leisa Zigman is a celebrity. That’s cute. By cute, we mean retarded.
4. Oh being on the beach sure looks fun. JC Corcoran debates whether or not Sarah Palin got a boob job.
5. Cards Diaspora breaks down the Jeff Suppan signing. Everyone loves that Suppan “thumbs up” photo.
6. Unicornio!

It’s May 17th! The Beautiful Kind is back in action!

Cops find dude murdered at South City car dealership. Key quote from police: “The place is kind of ransacked a little bit.  It could be just from the way they keep the business, we don’t know at this time.” Way to kick them when their down officer. — KSDK.com

The community helps a guy figure out some good date ideas for St. Louis. Community fails to mention our favorite place to go for no doubt action: Your Mom’s house. Snap! — Reddit St. Louis

People already think St. Louis is full of freaks that do things so stupid that meth is the only answer as to why. Lady in the Pujols dress…you aren’t helping. — Joe Sports Fan

Here’s a picture of a cat in a box:

Here are something little things of note going on around St. Louis that really didn’t deserve a post of their own:

Keith Tkachuk has announced his retirement. …oh you might not know who he is. He played for the Blues. …the Blues are a hockey team. …They play in St. Louis.  …It’s the MetroLink stop just west of Busch Stadium. …This is what hockey is.

We have lots of perverts in this town.

Prop A passes and Metrolink says whew…we can stop trying to be good at what we do now.

Everyone look at me! My story is old and stupid but if I wait just long enough to do something else with the thing I found in the trash people can still see my Glamour Shot in the newspaper!

Shame on you St. Louis for getting rid of a freaking junk yard in the middle of what is supposed to be a real city. Give them $1 Million dollars please.

I know when I feel our country is in trouble I think to myself, “How can Civil War re-enactors be helping?” …oh wait. Nevermind. I’ll just watch “Glory” on Netflix.

Here are  a few links form around the Lou-net:

JoeSportsFan found a common thread for every headline about the new American League Cy Young, and no it they don’t all begin with “Who?!”

The Short Buzz found that video of me and my two friends performing in our “Hot Sunday” cover band.

The Beautiful Kind profiles porn-star Buck Angel.  Its really not safe for work, but if it is for you are you hiring?

Urban Review STL talks about yet another curb in St. Louis.

Girls Guide to the Galaxy has a post up about…I don’t know…vaginas probably.

1. FourSquare officially launched in St. Louis! (We told you…just sayin.)
2. Pujols freaked out the Cardinals with his comments on some crazy Dominican radio station.
3. The RFT took an idea off the table for us by exploring the W00t! offices.
4. Metro Link gives up and ask the rest of us for ideas.  Can’t get any worse I guess.
5. Bowling allies are freaking out about the smoking bans.  They think if we take away the smoke smell, the BO smell will get lonely.

Apparently visiting our fair city is foreign enough to people that someone had to write an article on eHow describing the steps to take.  Here is a sampling:

Difficulty: Easy

St. Louis is known as the gateway to the west and it was the first major settlement west of the Mississippi. St. Louis is home to three major league sports teams: MLB-Cardinals, NFL-Rams and NHL-Blues. St. Louis was home to the 1904 World’s Fair and is also home to many other attractions, and tourist attractions.

Step 4: Enjoy a cruise on the Mississippi River onboard either of two riverboats; the Becky Thatcher or the Tom Sawyer.

Step 6: Experience the thrill and excitement that is Six Flags theme park when you ride on on any of the adrenaline charged thrill rides and roller coasters.

Two things jump out at me here: 1. Is Six Flags isn’t much of a St. Louis attraction, I mean there are a bunch of them.  2. At what point can we stop talking about a fair that happened over 100 years ago?  Yes, it was a big deal at the time, but let. it. go.  We sound like the damn Cubs for christ sake!

Someone edit this and add something about reading Punching Kitty in step 7.  I would do it, but that wouldn’t be right.

The RiverFrontTimes’ DailyRFT has Jeff Smith’s resignation letter, plus about 300 other posts about Jeff Smith.

JoeSportsFan.com has video of my personal favorite Busch Stadium beer vendor showing how the pros announce what they are selling!

Who loves the bad economy?  Libraries of course!

Speaking of libraries, apparently you can masturbate in them!  Who knew?  Not me!  I mean there are some computers that I think are pretty covered so I mean its wouldn’t be that big of a deal, but…look, I mean who’s to say what constitutes masturbating anyway?

The PlayBack STL Music Festival line up was just announced. (via @philberger)