A roving group of thugs went around south St. Louis Friday and eventually kicked the crap out of two men, giving the south side of St. Louis a little taste of what life is like on the north side of town.

St. Louis Metropolitan Police said the group assaulted their first victim in the 7400 block of Virginia. Witnesses told police a 42-year- old man was collecting cans when the teenagers approached him and without provocation began to punch and kick him. The man was not injured and refused medical attention.

The group of teens then fled to the 7100 block of Michigan where they attacked an 82-year old man in the same manner; punching and kicking him. The 82-year old man suffered a broken jaw. He was taken to an area hospital.

We followed up with STL PD and asked: “Doesn’t this kinda thing happen all the time in north St. Louis?”

Well yeah, of course.

So why the sudden response and news coverage?

We responded quickly to this incident and notified the press because this happened actually near where we live, not in some far away place like Beirut or North City where people lay around with flies on their faces and crazy crap like that.  I mean this could have happened to anyone of us coming out of the Qdoba on Grand and Arsenal. I mean, sure that place sucks, but it would suck a lot more if you got jumped on your way out the door.

via Globe Democrat

The city of St. Louis is launching an advertising campaign to help with the chronic issue of car break-ins within the city limits.

The crime has blossomed in recent years, with the advent of GPS devices and MP3 players. The thrust of the new initiative is to alert motorists to not leave anything in sight inside their cars. The campaign will be managed through window posters and billboards paid for by the police department, a total of about $7,500.

The campaign announces “free beer,” or “free food,” or “free smokes,” indicating that’s what motorists offer when they leave valuables in sight.

The St. Louis tourism board must be thrilled.

Other aborted slogans for the campaign included “I hear the Royals are getting better, go park in Kansas City” and “Please police yourselves, because we’ve run out of options.”

Things like this make our city look horrible and more importantly waste funds that could be helping in other areas.  Clearly our fair city has a crime issue and we at Punching Kitty see no better option that creating our own Robocop!  He could patrol the streets 24/7 eating baby food and cracking down on car thefts and random ass shootings.  This is the perfect plan.  We realize the money on the table here is only $7,500 so the initial Robocop version would be more like a gun duct taped to the top of an radio controlled car toy than the movies Robocop, but look thats just version 1.0 dude.  Give the city a little more jack and soon enough we will have a robot with a human face walking around the city that can kill everyone but Mayor Slay and hopefully us for thinking of the idea.

via KSDK

“What do you know!” said one officer, “You know, you pull over hispanic after hispanic and you have to let them go because they weren’t doing anything wrong or that trailer full of lawn mowers and hedge clippers really did belong to them and then something like this happens.  It just really makes your day!”

Around 6:30 p.m. Sunday, the Phelps County Sheriff’s Department said a Peterbuilt tractor trailer was stopped for a traffic violation.

During the course of the traffic stop, deputies became suspicious because of conflicting information and called in a K-9 trained in the detection of illegal narcotics. When the K-9 alerted on the tractor portion of the vehicle a search was conducted and 130 pounds of cocaine were found hidden in different locations of the vehicle.

The conflicting information they are referring to was that one of the “mexicans” in the car said that they were originally from Chile which immediately made them suspicious since they were obviously mexicans and “Chili” totally sounded made up.

via Globe Democrat

KMOV is reporting a man was shot in the butt Saturday night in north St. Louis.  I know.  Totally surprising.

According to police, the victim and three friends were walking across the street when a newer model dark blue or black SUV approached.

The front seat passenger got out and fired shots; the victim and friends ran to a nearby residence. The suspects fled the scene.

The victim is in stable, but totally embarrassed condition because there’s no way to make an ass wound sound badass.

They are stopping the car now so the shooter can get out? Is the full-fledged “drive by” no longer cool?  I can’t tell if this is lazy for making aiming less of a challenge or taking more pride in their work by wanting to make sure they hit something other than innocent kids or old cops 2 days from retirement.

Bryan Pour, who probably had a pretty bitchin’ beer-drinkin nickname in college, was fired from his post as a St. Louis police officer after a brawl/shooting incident outside of a bar.  Pour also got a parting gift of a felony charge of aggravated battery with a firearm with the possibility of 30 years in the clink.

What does Facebook have to do with this?

An attorney for Pour now want to force Facebook to disclose profiles and any messages exchanged between people involved in the 2008 incident or witnesses, including investigators.

Facebook has refused to release the requested evidence, citing the Electronic Communications Privacy Act of 2000.

Oh.  So nothing.

Unless the profiles and messages exchanged are uncovered to find them begging Bryan Pour to shoot them, I don’t see how this helps his case.

I mean, unless the guy he shot was always sending him notification for Mafia Wars.  Thats really freaking annoying and I would totally understand shooting him then.

via KSDK

We’ve been following this case here at Punching Kitty since we basically first launched over a year ago and it looks like its finally come to a close.

Former producer for local sports talk outfit KFNS Ryan Huff has been  sentenced to 25 years in prison after pleading guilty to…deep breath…two felony counts of production of child pornography, one felony count of enticement of a child, one felony count of receipt of child pornography, two felony counts of possession of child pornography and one felony count of transferring obscene material to a minor.  Whew!

In case that’s not clear enough, lets revisit the initial report from Jan 24th, 2009 on this very site:

Apparently Huff met the girls on “an internet chatroom,” which could mean anything since I’m guessing the reporter on the KMOV video I watched doesn’t know the difference between this very site and and actual “internet chatroom.”  After the meeting online, the two went to the movies, on a “date,” and then back to a house where they were joined by another 13 year old girl.  Shortly after her arrival they started partaking in sexual activity.  Huff’s alleged Playskool Orgy was noticed only after photos were taken and the girls where showing them around school!

Unfortunately for Huff, current Missouri state and federal laws don’t allow you to add the ages of your simultaneous sexual partners together to try to get a number above 18.

You know sometimes you really want the punishment to fit the crime and in this case it kinda does since we have a feeling Huff is going to be made uncomfortable by an older gentleman soon just like those girls.

What you haven’t heard what they do in prison?  Its ridiculous…

42 year old James Watkins was arrested last weekend for stealing roosters in order to have his own private cock fights.

According to Captain Brad Wells, Chief of Detectives for the Madison County Sheriff’s Office, deputies were called to the 3300 V.F.W. Lane around 7:50 a.m. Saturday in response to a reported disturbance. When they arrived at the home of James T. Watkins, deputies noticed blood and feathers in the living room.

The deputies were given permission to search the property and found a dead rooster in a trash can outside the home. A live rooster was found hiding in a bush on Watkins’ property.

“Oh crap the cops!”

“Rooster that just won, you hide in the bushes….and I’ll just put this dead rooster in the trash.  It’s the perfect crime!”

The roosters were stolen from a neighbor who valued the roosters as $250 a piece, which he later was totally pissed at himself about for not making up a higher price.

via KSDK

We were a bit shocked when we saw this news.  Do secretaries really think just busting out the ole company checkbook and writing some checks to themselves seem like a good idea still?

Andrea Wild wrote some signed checks from her employer to pay her own personal expenses, including utility bills, home mortgage, credit card bills and car loan payments, according to the indictment.

She also allegedly wrote some checks directly to herself.

This was all done without the knowledge of her employer, who was not identified in court documents.

Oh, well thank god for the awesome reporter’s instinct that told them to keep that last part in there or she could have totally used the “He said it was cool.” defense.

In cases like these, we suggest just letting the secretary go.  Sure you’ll be out of some money, but it will be much worse for her when she pulls over and says to herself “I’ll hide out in this motel at the foot of a hill with a creepy mansion on top for the night.  I’m sure I’ll be safe.”  Ree! Ree! Ree! Ree!  Dead.

Crime doesn’t pay.

via St. Louis Business Journal

The manager of the Cape Girardeau Sonic has copped to the fact that he was cooking meth in his restaurant.

The former manager of a Sonic restaurant in Cape Girardeau has pleaded guilty to attempting to manufacture methamphetamine at the restaurant.

The Southeast Missourian reported that 27-year-old Dennie Bratcher also pleaded guilty Tuesday to second-degree burglary. Sentencing is March 16.

Those Sonic’s are pretty small, so my first question is where exactly was he making his meth.  Then my mind immediately floats to the awesomeness it must have been for meth heads to drive up and get their meth delivered to them by a girl on roller skates with a side of those awesome Cheddar Bites!

…also now we know why the Banana Slip Blast was so good:

via KSDK

Rams running back / the only player that matters had some of the weight lifted off his shoulders as the Las Vegas police have dropped the investigation in to the claims of his former girlfriend that he beat her while she was nine months pregnant.

Investigators found insufficient evidence that Jackson, 26, attacked Supriya Harris of Mableton, Ga., in March 2009, Las Vegas police Officer Barbara Morgan said.

“Our investigation is complete,” said Morgan, a department spokeswoman. “I don’t think the time passage was a factor here. We contacted the victim, the accused and witnesses. There’s insufficient evidence to go forward with the case.”

Morgan said the case will be closed, and that records relating to the investigation would not immediately be released.

Though there is still the matter of the clivil case, this is a huge deal for Jackson who, to his credit, has handled this well stating in a release that it was no guilty of the crimes and the process would speak to that.  So far so good for Jackson and, in turn, the Rams.

In a related story the Rams are terrible.

via The Canadian Press (for some reason)