Was there ever a greater school day joy in a young child’s life greater than when you walked in to class to find a substitute teacher? Sure it didn’t always turn out great. You got your fair share of “Maybe if I’m really hard on the kids they’ll make me in to a real teacher!” subs, but most of the time you got some guy that just wanted you to be quiet and watch this barely educational move while he leaned back is his borrowed chair and think what’s he going to do with that tiny tiny pay check he was going to get…and then there’s the substitues that bring tasers to school.
No, no, no, we know what you’re thinking. This isn’t a St. Louis City school district sub that brought a taser to school, that’s not news and might be required at some city schools, this is about a substitute teach in Chesterfield.
What? Ahhh! What about the kids safety!? Isn’t someone thinking of the children?! This is an outrage!
There you go.
Principal Christina Garland [of Kehrs Mill Elementary School] wrote to parents that a substitute teacher brought a Taser, a high-voltage stun gun commonly used by police, into a fifth-grade class.
Well it’s not like they fired the thing!
Garland wrote that the substitute teacher “tested” the Taser in the classroom but away from students.
“Please be assured that at no time was there a threat to the safety of any student or staff member,” Garland wrote.
…except for when a sub was testing a taser in the classroom unbeknownst to you or any of the parents.
It’s pretty clear what happened here, right? Sub shows up. Sub starts to lose class. Sub says “Who wants to see a taser?!” Sub gets their attention. Sub fires taser. Sub accidentally clips the fat kid not paying attention. Sub tells fatty that if he tells his parents she’s going to kill his dog. Sub gets in a little trouble anyway. Fatty internalizes anger, once again turning to food to fill the void inside. Sub no longer a sub. Sub gets better paying job as Walmart greeter (and now gets 10% discount on future tasers). Other sub, who’s totally a molester, gets to continue being a sub because at least he keeps the kids quiet.