The police are looking for a new flasher showing his central south front area to the ladies of the Central West End area. The lonely gentleman has reportedly let it hang several times last weekend alone, which begs the question: Isn’t the summer or spring the better time to be a flasher? It’s awfully cold to be letting the little general out. I guess it wasn’t as cold last weekend, but still you’re probably not doing yourself any favors by whipping it out between November and March.
According to police, the suspect has been spotted driving through the area in a late 1990s green Pontiac Grand Am with tinted windows. The car has temporary tags with a back spoiler.
Police said the man pulls up to unsuspecting women, gets out of his car, and drops his pants.
Woah, wait. That ride is a certified pussy magnet, so this is starting to sound like several consecutive misunderstandings. This dude is just assuming that most ladies will see that ride…with a spoiler and tinted windows remember…and immediately want to put his penis inside of them. Which totally checks out, meaning the only explanation is that this guy is riding one long unlucky string of rolling up to prudes. He’s the victim here! Hang in, er out, there buddy!
Anyone seeing a vehicle matching the description is asked to alert authorities immediately.
Probably won’t happen because the shock and disgust won’t set in until well after the initial reaction of relief subsides. Fact facts: If you’re walking in St. Louis and a dude rolls up on you staring daggers with his hands down his pants, we both know you’re praying the worst thing he’s going to point and shoot at you with is his junk. You can always buy a new sweater.
Image of Jennifer Lawrence, because it’s my site and I don’t want to post something more appropriate for this story. I didn’t used to think she was all that cute, but she’s growing on me, so congratulations to you Ms. Lawrence! Also, congrats on the Golden Globe which probably means nothing to you now after my recent admission.