A south St. Louis Subway (Which one? It doesn’t matter. It’s like saying “A St. Charles County Quiktrip.” the statement is so broad its meaningless.) was robbed for a second time over the span of five days: Once on Janurary 7th and then again this morning at 2:30am. The only benefit we can think of for robbing a Subway would be not having to worry about carrying away too much cash, or any bills over $5, and the fact that you could stuff your pockets with their over-priced avocado on the way out the door.
Police say the Subway restaurant on the 4800 block of Chippewa was burglarized around 2:30 Friday morning when the thieves shattered the front glass door.
The suspects grabbed the cash register before quickly fleeing the scene.
The exact amount of money stolen is not known at this time.
Even if Subway was holding a secret US government gold bar stash, it still doesn’t sound worth it to go in there and leave with anything. Oh sure, we believe that Michael Phelps “trains” at Subway, but we’re pretty sure he just thought the explosive diarrhea gave him an edge in the pool. Frankly the IOC should look in to it, because it feels like cheating for one swimmer to have a cheap meat-powered ass jet engine. As for Subway’s other #1 fan Michael Strahan (above)? We can’t figure out why he likes it other than maybe he’s using the foot-long sandwiches as dental floss, but that really doesn’t seem like a good idea.