So here’s a thing that totally happened: A man was interviewing for a job with the Missouri State Highway Patrol and during the interview process he was asked if he had ever engaged in a sexual crime he could be convicted of. Which is one of those “Do I look stupid? Like I’m going to just say yes to that…to the freaking police!”
Oh but he did.
…and the funny thing about confessing to child molestation crimes is there aren’t any points for honesty.
Christopher Stringham, 26, of Park Hills, has been charged with 20 counts of first-degree statutory sodomy.
Stringham told the interviewing sergeant about inappropriately touching a child several times. He implied it was an accident each time.
After the interview, other law enforcement agencies were contacted. Park Hills Police attempted to interview Stringham further.
“Ok Mr. Stringham everything looks good so far, so lets run through the formality of these last few questions and we’ll call you soon.”
“Have you ever committed a drug related crime?”
“Ok. Have you ever committed murder?”
“I sure haven’t!”
“Of course you haven’t. Last one, have you ever engaged in a sexual crime you could be convicted of?”
“It’s cool. I’ll just tell them the truth and how me fondling that kid was a total accident that happened 20 times, and they’ll respect me for my honesty and hire me on the spot. Oh man this is going to be great! Officer Stringham has a wonderful ring to it. Oh man, maybe I’ll get to be a crossing guard! …Well, sir. There was this one or twenty times I touched a kid, but it was a total accident. You know how those things are! Anyway, it was pretty bad. When do I get by gun and my kid poking stick? What’s the name of those things again? ‘Little Billy Club’ or something?”