Here’s what we learned from this story:
1. People don’t like to be pooped near.
2. Those same people don’t like being called racial slurs afterward.
Police say the 38-year old dog owner got into trouble when his dog relieved himself in the vicinity of a girl lying on the grass. The girl’s father and the dog owner exchanged words. Police say the dog owner, who is white, called the other man, who is black, a racial slur. Other black men in the park began to gather around.
We’re not trying to give out tips to racial slur-tossing dog owners, but this would be when you should start running dude.
According to police, one of the men grabbed a metal piece of rebar and struck both the dog owner and the dog. Before police could arrive, the attacker got away.
Aww, damn. Told you.
An eyewitness told KMOX that it was a misunderstanding. That the dog owner was going to go get a poop baggy, but the others thought he was walking away and that’s when the trouble started. Ok, but still, would you really let your dog duke under the same tree that someone’s chilling under? Who cares if that’s the tree your dog likes?! You can certainly grumble about how annoying that is that someone’s leaning on Spike’s “poop tree”, but you don’t still poop near it, because that’s gross.
Gross, but legal. Starting a fight isn’t.
The father of the girl who was lying near the dog is charged with peace disturbance.
While it’s not cool to let your dog poop next to someone, that someone should just tell that dog owner what a douche he is being and then leave and find another tree, or if the poop doesn’t smell too bad and/or the tree is really awesome for some particular reason, then just hang out and try not to look at the poop. Take St. Louis and East St. Louis for example. St. Louis was just chilling by this awesome river and then someone came along and pooped next to it, which was pretty amazingly not cool, but we liked the river and all our stuff was already here, so you stick it out. You try to pretend the poop isn’t there and you go on with your life dealing with the occasional dung beetle that may visit from poop town and try to take some of your stuff. Hopefully soon someone in charge will come along with a large enough baggy to clean up that mess, but until then it’s really all you can do. Maybe some day the poop will start growing some shrooms, for the people in your group that like that kind of adult entertainment, and then they can go over to the poop after they’re already pretty drunk and “enjoy” that before coming back over and asking you the next morning: “Aww man! I didn’t go over to the poop last night did I?! Damn. Well that explains why these pants are ruined.”