So maybe we’re the only one, but we just figured that all Walmarts were cleared at night to sweep for meth labs. Maybe not though, because the South County Walmart was cleared out last night for that very reason and everyone’s all surprised.
A customer cooking a so-called “one pot” batch of methamphetamine inside a pop bottle in her purse caused the Thursday night evacuation of the South County Walmart store.
Are you serious?! That is all kinds of bullsh*t! …we don’t call it pop here STLToday’s Patrick O’Connell. We call it “soda”…or oddly, sometimes “coke”…but not “pop”. You’re clearly an outsider, and by the laws of St. Louis, we now hate you.
Ok, you were saying something about meth?
The woman was caught shoplifting an item unrelated to meth-making when store security and then police discovered the 20-ounce bottle, St. Louis County police Lt. Mark Cox said. The store full of customers at Telegraph Road and Interstate 255 was evacuated about 6:15 p.m. because of the possible dangers of the chemical concoction.
You think the customers were scared? We’re talking South County. There had to have been at least 50 other people actively cooking meth in there at the same time and when that announcement went over the loud speaker it probably scared the teeth right out of them! Ok, maybe their teeth just fall out all the time anyway, but they were probably scared regardless.
The trend of cooking small quantities of the drug for personal use is on the rise, police said. But Cox said this was one of the first times locally a “one-pot” batch has been discovered and seized in a busy, public setting.
“There are lots of one-pot cooks,” Cox said. “But taking it into Walmart is very unusual.”
First off, no, it’s really not that unusual (boom). We’re not sure which Walmart Lt. Cox visits, but at this point, we just assume that all Walmarts have at least one or two batches of meth actively being cooked at all times, at least three employees actively stealing TVs from the loading dock, and one skinny mustachioed gentleman wearing one of those terry cloth polo shirts pacing around the photo department wishing he would have invested in a digital camera rather than a “Fun Saver” before getting a little too freaky at home with his probably big fat wife.
We should say the same stuff probably happens at Target too. Everything just all costs a little more, everyone’s wearing khakis, and people make meth in those fancy aluminum Sig water bottles instead of thrown out Mr. Pibb 20 oz-ers.