All those people out there that think Jets backup QB Tim Tebow and Rams starting QB Sam Bradford are nice, super Christian-types are dead wrong. Turns out both of these guys not-so-secretly worship the pagan god Nike and they must be stopped! …or at least that’s what the crazy guy on the internet told us.
[Editor's Note: Everything below is for realz what one guy thinks. So consider this as confirmation of each and every one of the following crazy statements below. Hopefully it will keep us from instinctually putting "Seriously." after every statement.]
According to ChristiansAgainstNike.com (Seriously.) [Editor's Note: Damn. Couldn't help it.] Nike is a horrible false god and no one should like it anymore because one time this guy asked god if he should throw out his friends Nike shoes and god made him write “goodness pleases” on a piece of paper so that sealed it. God hates Nike. …god’s feelings on Reebok are apparently unclear.
Here’s a second time where god talked to him:
Many months later I was whiting out the Nike swooshes on a Sam Bradford football poster so my girlfriend’s son could hang it up. After I finished covering the Nike swooshes, I then asked God to confirm that it was OK to put up.
God told me to open His Word without looking and place my pen down without looking. When I looked, it was on 1 word… God’s answer for me was “good”.
Of course, god was intending to have him write “good, gravy you’re a total nutjob” but he put down the pen too early.
See this all started because “Nike” is the name of the pagan god for victory…actually he has this great little chart that explains it all pretty quickly (Key: Red and black are bad, and blue and white are good like clouds and Scotland):
Ok. Nothing crazy here, that’s for sure.
Here’s another screenshot from the site where he explains himself. It’s like a blog’s “About Page” but picture the author sitting naked in a pile of tattered Nike shirts soaked in his own urine while he writes it:
Poor Bradford can’t even avoid getting second billing to a backup quarterback in their eternal damnation. Can’t this kid catch a break?!
If it’s not already clear, Nutty McCrazy also is of the belief that all of Tebow’s on the field issues have been because of his affiliation with Nike, but he doesn’t explicitly say if god is cursing Sam Bradford with this crappy offensive line as punchishment or if we can keep blaming Ex-Rams braintrust, Spagnuolo and Devaney for that.
Ask yourself this question…
If you were to die today and appear before ALMIGHTY GOD in what you were wearing… how would you feel appearing before the glory and power of His majesty while wearing a shirt honoring Nike… the PAGAN goddess of victory?
Think about that!
Wow, we’re thinking about it and that would be embarrassing to appear before the big man upstairs wearing a Nike shirt! We better go change in to something nicer…wait, does Nike make those “Coed Naked” shirts?! No? …ok, we’re good then.