The Missouri State Senate is mulling a bill that if passed, would allow various state school districts to sell advertisement space on school busses, because “Well we see it on NASCAR races!” is a great reason to do all kinds of stuff and has never lead to any safety concerns or issues what so ever.
Rep. Mike Kelley, R-Lamar, said many districts need the money after several years of tight budgets. He said advertising already is found around Missouri’s schools, and permitting ads on buses could create a new revenue stream.
“Have you been to a football stadium, a basketball court or a baseball field for any of our local sport groups? If you have, you will notice advertising because, unfortunately, funding is not there, and that’s why advertising has helped pay for sports programs in schools all across the state,” Kelley said. “This is not a new concept.”
It might not be new, but it is weird. Is the goal to advertise to the kids? The other drivers? The parents waiting with their kids at the bus stop? …or are we just going all Trojan condom ads to try to lower the amount of kids coming through the doors?
The proposed legislation would allow school boards to adopt advertising policies but would limit exterior advertising to the passenger side of the school bus, targeting pedestrians rather than risking an additional distraction for motorists. Any advertising inside school buses would be limited to health and safety-related messages.
Why stop there?! The next time your kid comes home crying because he got in a fight on the bus? Well that crack on the head was brought to you by Woods Basement Systems! Did the neighbor kid from the poor family tell your daughter a new dirty word today? Well it’s the Hardee’s Hot Profanity of the Day! We can even make the old fat childless bus driver throw some of these in there: “Hey. Nice backpack Scott. I need you to sit in the front today. …oh and this creepy segue to an arbitrary rule change directed at the wrong kid because you all look alike, is brought to you by KSDK News Channel 5: Where the new comes first.”
The National Association of State Directors of Pupil Transportation Services, which opposes ads on buses, warns that the advertising could distract other motorists and compromise bus features designed to attract attention and keep children safe. The organization said school buses’ distinctive yellow hue has been a standard since 1939.
…because of course, before 1939, the whole world was in black and white and ads were just jingles and little school children said “swell” instead of “LOL. That’s f*cking bitch awesome!” Times are different and ads are everywhere and…actually. Look at your kid right now. Is he wearing a “Nike”, “Old Navy” or “GAP” shirt? He probably won’t even notice any new ads, and maybe they’ll use the money to buy some new history books or be able to afford a new gym teacher that thinks dodgeball is more appropriate than “skins vs skins” wrestling.