Once again some organization told everyone stuff we already knew: St. Charles County is super healthy and St. Louis City is horribly unhealthy. Could it have something to do with the amount of violent crime and percentage of people with quality health care? Nah! It’s about parks and having a place to ride 10 speed bikes with black shorts and yellow skin tight tops that show your man boobs.
For the third year in a row, St. Louis city was named the least healthy place to live in Missouri while St. Charles County has the healthiest residents.
The rankings released today measure communities on various factors including longevity, access to healthy foods, exercise and medical care.
Woah, so maybe we don’t spend a lot of money on gym memberships here in the city, but we do our fair share of running from stuff (cops, thugs, roaming packs of dogs, shadows we think are people, …) and if you think punching an elderly gentleman out with one blow to the back of the head isn’t work, then you have another thing coming mister! [Editor's Note: It's been a few weeks since the last "Knockout Game" attack, so we're cool to joke about it right?]
Each year the rankings highlight several common-sense findings — counties with better health outcomes have lower rates of smoking, sedentary lifestyles, unemployment, teenage births, violent crime and poverty.
It’s awesome how in the city a 18 year old girl has a baby and it’s a “teenage birth” and if you’re 18 in Backwoods, MO its because she’s “really excited to start a family after high school.” It’s totally a “double skank standard”…which is also the name of our new bluegrass funk band.
However, the rankings also show that rates of obesity and excessive drinking are not significantly different in healthy and unhealthy counties.
Make sense. You definitely see just as many fatties in the city as you do in the county. The main difference is that the natural predator of fatties in the counties are hills and the occasional mountain lion, while in the city if you can’t outrun the other guys you’re with you’re a goner.
It’s not just crime though. The city also has people walking in to traffic far more often, lots of bars, and of course anything dropped on a city street is not a valid “5 second rule” item but we’ve seen that not everyone agrees. St. Charles folks really just have to worry about light sports related injuries and their heads exploding from too much repressed sexual energy or having to pretend their not latino so they can mow their own lawn without being scooped up and dropped off at the 270 onramp.