Warrenton’s Peeping Tom has been been brought to justice after several complains over the span of years, 25 year-old Jaybirth Harris was caught peeping on a hidden surveillance camera.
25-year-old Jaybirth Harris of Marthasville is jailed on charges of 1st & 2nd degree burglary, stealing and invasion of privacy.
He reportedly entered some homes, while others he just looked through the windows.
This is one sick dude, but how sick? Well beyond the security camera footage, they also have the following evidence:
Physical evidence against Harris includes a broken screen, a hand print on a window sill, and a bodily substance containing DNA collected from the siding beneath the window of one of the homes.
Now there’s mystery! What could this “bodily substance containing DNA” be? Spit? Maybe, but there’s hint in that it was found beneath the window. …what bodily fluid containing DNA would be more easily deposited below a window one was currently looking through. Lets head to the whiteboard:
Ah of course! That’s called “semen” KMOX. You may have heard it referred to as “jizz”, “skeet”, “cocknog”, or “baby batter” on the street. You see when a man loves a woman…or another man…or a couch…or pretty much any firm surface, he gets excited and his pee-pee barfs up these “DNA fluids” you heard about at the crime scene. Don’t be ashamed you didn’t know about this stuff. All of the people that listen to KMOX are way past their sex-having days (Hopefully…because eww.) and even if that isn’t true, two weird guys talking about cars or St. Louis politics tends to be a boner-killer anyway so clearly this is something that hasn’t come up before. Now you know! Feel free to not dance around stuff like that in future stories where guys are caught looking through windows while jacking it.