One Last Thing On Pujols

One Last Thing On Pujols

We wanted to leave the Pujols news where it was last week and start this week Pujols-free, but this sad attempt to make sure everyone still loves him and his family in St. Louis is beyond pathetic and gave us little choice to really weigh in rather than just post photoshops and videos.

“I made a decision. I’m being obedient. I didn’t want to go to a place God didn’t want me to go to.” — Albert Pujols on signing with the Angels rather than the Cardinals.

Can we just knock this kind of shit off and give us some freaking credit here? The Angels offered you more money, with a longer guaranteed contract and tickled your balls a little bit. They told you how great you are and used the word “partner” and you were all about it. It’s cool! Really. The Cardinals couldn’t/shouldn’t have gone to to a 10 year contract for that much money and apparently they aren’t as good as selling you on continuing to be a Cardinal (though one could argue you pretty much know the score, so what’s to sell?). They were both trying to sell you something and you bought the one from California. No worries. We’ll miss you, but don’t feed us a load of bullshit about how God picked this all out for you. You know how it always seems like “God” wants people to be rich as hell and have awesome stuff? Well there’s a reason for a lot of that: It’s because you want to be rich and have lots of awesome stuff, but you feel like a dick head for just saying that, so you blame it on God. It’s the same principal as when you don’t want to go hang out with that guy from work, but you don’t want to just tell him he smells like a Totino’s Pizza that some drunk ass left in the oven all night, so you say “Oh damn. I’d love too, but my wife/girlfriend isn’t feeling well so I have to stay home with her. Damn! …anyway…See ya later.”

Has it ever occurred to you that saying you’re not doing it for the money is maybe a little worse than actually doing it for the money? If not for the money, then you’re saying that you did it because an owner you never met, a uniform you’ve never put on, and a league you’ve never played a single home game in, is a better situation than 11 years, $100+ Million dollars, two championships and too many freaking curtain calls to count? Taking a chance on the money is one thing, just plain telling us and the Cardinals to go screw is another. Seriously, just say it was for the money.

“Albert has never lied. People are like ‘Oh, we thought we knew who he was.’ Well, we thought we knew who they were,” Diedre Pujols told JoyFM.

“The city of St. Louis has absolutely been deceived and I have never seen hatred spread so fast and I understand why,” she added. “Let me say that Albert and I never, not one time, ever made plans to leave this city.”

“…until we made plans to leave the city in our new airplane made of money that runs on liquified money and tattered relationships.”

Mr. and Mrs. Pujols, here’s the deal, the skinny, the straight dope: There will always be crazies that are going to be horrible to you. Church crazies, sports crazies, whatever. But normal people aren’t all that torn up about you leaving, but we’re bummed. We’re bummed because you said things like this:

“People from other teams want to play in St. Louis and they’re jealous that we’re in St. Louis because the fans are unbelievable. So why would you want to leave a place like St. Louis to go somewhere else and make $3 or $4 more million a year? It’s not about the money. I already got my money. It’s about winning and that’s it. It’s about accomplishing my goal and my goal is to try to win. If this organization shifts the other way then I have to go the other way.”

…and then left for a few million extra anyway and instead of just being a man and saying “I wanted the money and the assurance of a 10-year contract + a contract to work for the team after I’ve retired” you are saying it was God, or the team didn’t cup your balls the way you thought they should, and that’s horseshit. $44 Million dollars is not a small amount of money no matter your income, and we’d probably take it too, but taking the money over history and the community that has grown to love you isn’t free. The price is that they won’t like you any more. The normal ones won’t throw things at you in the on deck circle, or send you horrible letters, we just won’t cheer for you and when you hit a milestone in your career, we’ll just see it on Sports Center rather that watch it while holding our breath. We’re not saying $44 Million dollars isn’t worth that or that you won’t make more fans, we’re just saying you can’t have it both ways. You lost fans. We don’t hate you, but you’re “Derek Jeter” to us now, you’re “Mark Teixeira” or “Ichiro”. You’re a very good player on another team, but that’s it. We have our own team to watch. That’s the cost of the money.

Drop the PR rounds. Stop calling radio stations or doing interviews with the local journalists you know won’t ask the tough questions. Just go be an Angel, and when you hear us make jokes, or call you names, or not give a crap you’re going to nut up and not try to defer our anger on to anyone else. You’re going to take it like a man, because that’s the choice you made.

Enjoy yourself Albert, it’s been real. We can’t wait to beat you in the World Series.

Check out Bernie Miklasz’s story from STLToday for the definitive last take on Pujols.