St. Louis, we love you, but damn there sure is a large portion of us that knows how to hop on some little thing, and while interesting or humorous initially, beat on it and make it to something so dumb you want to smash your head against the ground to make enough goo leak out your ear so that you now think the overplayed stupid thing is awesome and interesting once again…and you’ll find cut off camo shorts totally awesome and wearable for several occasions.
Ok, never mind. We actually mean: Go rally squirrel! **
[Johnnie Brocks Dungeon] is selling a fox costume that looks just like a squirrel, and found animal head-dresses that could be part of a squirrel costume.
They hope to get more squirrels in soon.
Well they won’t be getting any more “squirrels”, but they might be getting more of the “Foxy Roxy” costume that they are saying looks like a squirrel and trying to pass off to people. All that’s different (reference image) is really the tail a little bit, the ears aren’t very squirrelly, and the fact that it’s called freaking “Foxy Roxy”…but it’s nothing that can’t be solved with a sharpie and a steady stream of customers so desperate to be the trendy slutty girl at the party that you could give her a frog costume and as long her tits are visible and the ass cheeks were cut out, she’d take it and try her best to echo your “frogs are really just green squirrels” argument to everyone that would listen.
“After the last game in St. Louis where it ran across the plate in front of Skip, that morning, I’m usually one of the first ones in the building and the first call of the day was ‘do you guys have a rally squirrel costume?’ I said you know, we do have a couple of squirrels.
No you don’t. You have Foxy Roxy.
And then a couple of minutes later, an employee said somebody’s looking for a squirrel and I said okay, this is going to be something hot,” said General Manager Nancho Rodriguez.
…and then not hot by the time Halloween rolls around because something else will happen like Steve Jobs costumes or maybe they can kill the Crocodile Hunter again since that one seems to be still top of mind for some people each year. Look, this would be different if these were guys costumes since we have more of the onus on us to actually “be” something. Girls can be whatever as long as it’s short and tight.
Girl: “Oh hey, guess what I am! It’s totally topical and…”
Guy (or rough and tumble lesbian): “Don’t care. Drink this.”
Spare us the “squirrel” costumes and go as something timeless like sexy nurse, sexy army chick, sexy children’s movie/book character, or slut. Let all the guys that really want to be super way awesome come to the party as a rally squirrel, something that’s supposed to be mildly offensive (Oh you’re a “one night stand”?! Classic. We’ve never seen that twice a year!), or the Crow.
For the record, all shops do have turtle costumes…like actual turtle costumes (read: not foxes), if you want to be the equally famous Torty Craig.
** [Editor’s Note: Non-sports folks, the “rally squirrel” is the little squirrel that ran across the plate at the Cardinal game that was funny at the time, and the Cardinals won so every one freaked out about it.]