An old lady in St. Charles was shocked to see her water bill in April was for $2,043.78, and we’re all talking about this because nothing all that interesting is going on.
Kelly, who is 80 and lives alone in her home in the 2000 block of Graystone Drive, has been disputing the accuracy of the 351,000 gallons of metered water consumption the city billed her for.
Kelly sent a letter disputing the bill to the city’s public works director, Debra Aylsworth, in May and met with public works officials on June 14. Following that meeting, Kelly received a letter from John Zimmerman, assistant director of public works. In the letter, Zimmerman concludes that Kelly’s Neptune AMR meter was not malfunctioning and that the city could not offer an adjustment on her bill based on meter error.
Boom. Nice try old lady, but your meter is fine so you definitely somehow used over 350 thousand gallons of water last month. The city guy said so.
Michael Spurgeon, the city’s director of administration, said Mayor Sally Faith would review Kelly’s claim that the bill is inaccurate and render a decision afterward.
“Does it seem like an exorbitant amount of water? Absolutely,” Spurgeon said. “We will review the appeal when Mrs. Kelly makes it. I know the questions that need to be asked. We have to look at the whole picture, and I can see some relief being made here. It’s a stressful situation and she said she didn’t use the water.”
That’s a great reply. It’s nice, but nice with your head cocked to one side, squinty eyes, and a little smirk on your face. Kinda like “Oh no! …we totally believe you didn’t actually burn through 350 thousand gallons of water. Can’t wait to come over and use your new bitchin’ 7 story-tall water slide we’re pretty sure you must have put up.”
Also worth mentioning is despite the fact that the Post Dispatch is writing this to draw attention to the old lady’s plight, they had her take, and then posted, a photo of her using water for the story. Fantastic idea. Seriously awesome. We didn’t see the print edition, but we’re betting there’s a shot of her sprinting towards a Slip ‘n Slide just for good measure.
Spurgeon said he saw customers get hit with large water bills when he previously worked for a utility company, and what makes Kelly’s bill so large is that it’s a combination for water and sewer usage. Zimmerman’s letter to Kelly states her water usage for those 77 days amounted to a cost of $875 and that her sewer fees for that same period totaled $1,154.61.
Maybe she did do it though and doesn’t realize it. She’s old, that could happen. Hell, maybe she just poops a lot. We’re pretty sure hot chicks don’t ever poop, but old ladies who we don’t find attractive poop because at that point, you might as well. In fact, we actually heard that Elizabeth Hurley just recently started pooping. Try switching to the low-flow toilets Kelly!