Friday evening, strong spring storms rampaged through North St. Louis, crippling Lambert Airport and sealing off the major St. Louis escape route. The brimstone should arrive by this Wednesday to take the rest of us out.
“The storm caused significant damage to the airport,” said St. Louis Mayor Francis Slay.
There were nine sightings of a possible tornado or tornadoes in St. Louis County. The KSDK camera showed extensive damage to residences and other structures near the airport.
Passengers were hit with flying glass and debris as winds ripped off part of the roof in the airport’s C concourse, KSDK said.
“All the windows were busted. … The airport looks like a war zone,” Elizabeth Rastberger, 32, told CNN’s iReport.
When officials finally got on the scene they reported the status as “normal” up until they visited the much nicer East Terminal and realized that it looked like the rest of Lambert. “Ah. Now I see it. Yeah, this is pretty busted, we should shut it down…I guess the other terminal should be shut down too until we can figure out which part of it was destroyed by the storm and which part already looked like this.” probably said one official.
“The National Weather Service will be surveying the tornado damage over the weekend to determine the number and intensity of tornadoes that occurred,” its St. Louis office said.
Who cares? If a car ran in to you on the street and broke your arms and legs, would you want more people working on getting you better or would want some people working on you and a couple of others trying to figure out how big the truck was? Just come back and say it was 9 tornados…or come back and say it was more like 62. Neither number will change anything.
Meanwhile, the Mayor, Charles Dooley and some airport official held a press conference to talk about the damage. Other than someone’s cell phone going off causing the Mayor to give someone the “Bitch please!” look, it was pretty uninteresting…until the Lambert Airport official came to the mic, apparently rocking the same shirt she weathered the storm in because it looked like the freaking tornado ripped the fabric right off her shoulders!
This lady woke up this morning knowing she had this press conference, and she said to herself “Bring your A-game outfit today because it’s your time to shine! …Should I go with the standard business suit? Nah, this event is bigger than that and you’re going to be the star! We know what we have to do…time to rock the weird white dress shirt with the huge collar and the shoulders cut out that have little shoulder collars!” She thought she had nailed it…right up until she saw the “Girl WTF you wearin’?!” look on Charles Dooley’s face:
…oh…and damn shame about the airport getting trashed too.