The Golden Gate Bridge…the Brooklyn Bridge..and now? …The “Jerry F. Costello-William Lacy ‘Bill’ Clay Sr. Veterans Memorial Bridge”. Just rolls of the tongue doesn’t it? Yes, your local leaders are making moves to name the new Mississippi River bridge the “Jerry F. Costello-William Lacy ‘Bill’ Clay Sr. Veterans Memorial Bridge”. Who’s ready for eventual charity marathons?! Come on everyone! Sign up for the 2015 Fun Run to the Jerry F. Costello-William Lacy ‘Bill’ Clay Sr. Veterans Memorial Bridge! All the proceeds will go to the making of new, wider bridge supports so they can fit the whole dedication plaque on them
It seems we can’t go a week without hearing about another circle jerk, dumbass move by our local leadership, and though this move isn’t as potentially damaging as say Police department funding, it isn’t any less obviously stupid. If this goes through, they must realize that no one is going to call that bridge that. You can’t even make a useful acronym of out of that verbal diarrhea! In the interest of saving all St. Louisans time that would be spent trying to figure what to call the bridge in everyday conversation, allow us to come up with some ideas ahead of time so we can all settle on one and move on while Lacy Clay and Jerry Costello have a good old time drumming up more private funding to cover the costs of naming “their” bridge something equal parts egocentric and moronic.
1. The new bridge
2. “You know…the bridge that doesn’t look like its going to fall down any day now.”
3. Shorten “Jerry F. Costello-William Lacy ‘Bill’ Clay Sr. Veterans Memorial Bridge” to “The JCLCVM” and remember it with this: “Jesus Christ Loves Crazy Viking Mythology” What? He might have…maybe he knew about eventual vikings from the big guy upstairs and couldn’t wait for their arrival? You don’t know!
4. “I don’t know…the one. No, not that one…the other one…no! The other one! There you go.”
5. The Lacy Clay “I’m So Happy No One of Consequence Ever Runs Against me Thus Ensuring Constant Reelections and the Ability to Get Away With Crap Like This” Bridge — Ok, fair enough, this one is longer than the original name…but not by that much. That’s the messed up thing!