So apparently the best way to get through the security at Lambert Airport without getting scanned or allowing the high-school dropout TSA agent to get to third base is to…wait for it…just run. Somewhere Osama Bin Laden is face-palming right now. The countless hours of research that yielded the “shoe bomb” could have been better spent just buying good non-bomb running shoes and just hold the bomb in front of you and take off in to the airport when confronted.
A traveler at Lambert Airport triggers a security alert then disappears in the east terminal. As a result, the terminal was cleared for nearly an hour.
TSA says no one missed their flights this morning. Planes were kept on the ground to wait for those passengers late to their gates.
When asked how someone who, as the TSA themselves are saying “did not complete the screening process” was allowed to simply get away, the only reply was that the situation wasn’t a big deal and the man was harmless. Seriously. That’s what they told a KMOV reporter. The Lambert TSA, who find security serious enough to grope children and revoke citizen’s rights, looked for a guy that just walked away from their security checkpoint for 45 minutes and then just stopped saying “Eh. It’s probably fine.”
TSA tells News 4 the man didn’t “complete the screening process”. They wouldn’t tell us exactly what that means, but tell us the man was not a serious threat based on his behavior[,] a behavior described as normal.
Not a serious threat based on his “normal” behavior?! So what? He was a middle aged white guy not wearing a turban or shrieking jihad-type stuff? What’s the point of the groping or scanning if we can just walk up and have the TSAs eyeball you as “normal” and let you through? It’s so great to hear that after years of overly-aggressive security checks just to get on a plane Lambert International is the first airport in the nation to go with the new “Velvet Rope” method of security: “Yo! Lemme look at cho…k. You’re cool. Next! What is dat?! Dat ain’t normal, get outa here! You’re wife looks normal though…come on through sweet cheeks.”
Also, every other Wednesday is now Lamber Security Ladies Nights! Girls in dresses and high heels are pre-qualified as “normal”. Also be on the lookout for some upcoming appearances by DJ SweatyFatGuyGrabbingYourCrotch for the not-so-normal fellas sponsored by Smirnoff Ice!