We will show you three mugshots from KMOV and its your job to guess what each of them did to get there. We’ll even give you multiple choice!
#1 Michael Church
Yes, he looks like Jesus’ stunt double, but he’s not standing here so his parents can see how much he grew. He’s really here because:
A. Trying to perv out with two young girls.
B. Went crazy after a few bad shrooms at a Phish coverband’s show.
C. Just wanted the life experience of going to jail.
#2 Daniel Jones
Crap. We already used the “Jesus’ stunt double” bit. Um…I don’t know. He scares us.
What did he do?
A. Tried to steal Rob Zombie’s identity.
B. This is actually what happened to Jason LaRue after getting kicked in the head.
C. Weed. Lots and lots of weed.
#3 John Winship
Old guy hair with an old guy mustache, what could old Biff have done to get him here?
A. Beating his wife. Probably because she didn’t tape “The Wheel” or something.
B. Shooting his gun randomly as if he’s never seen those “What goes up…” ads during the Holidays!
C. Man boobs. Well, they should be illegal!
You want answers? Click through the jump for all the sexy back story.
#1 Michael Church: A. “Trying to perv out with two young girls.”
The arrest of a convicted sex offender is raising questions about the integrity of the Illinois sex offender registry. Michael Church, 22, is in jail. He’s charged with trying to lure two young girls back to his East Alton Home. Parents want to know why the convicted sex offender is not on the state’s registry.
#2 Daniel Jones: C. “Weed. Lots and lots of weed.”
Daniel Jones, 33, or Roll and Sarah Carroll, 42, or Richland after the South Central Drug Task Force, Rolla Police Department and the Phelps County Sheriff’s Department raided a home in the 1700 block of Ashwood Drive in Rolla. Authorities say they seized about two pounds of pot, drug paraphernalia and money.
#3 John Winship: A & B (sorry) “Beating his wife” and “Shooting his gun randomly”
An East Alton man has been charged with “aggravated unlawful discharge of a firearm” and domestic battery. Monday night, police responded to reports of shots fired in the 500 block of Maple Street in East Alton. Deputies located several rifle shell casings on the back deck of John Winship’s residence. Authorities say they could not contact Winship, so secured the area around his home. After speaking with Winship on the telephone a few hours later, officers report seeing his garage door open. A deputy says he then watched him walk into the garage, back into the house, and return to the garage in about a 10 minute span. The deputy confronted Winship and wrestled him to the ground and cuffed him when he would not cooperate.
So how’d ya do?