---

The Cardinals lost. Tony hates Rasmus. The team just doesn’t give a crap. Buzz Bissinger’s pissed. Blah blah blah…when will the Cardinals give us something new! Anything?! Please! Just anything!

Last night we got this:

“Happ stymies Cardinals with two-shit shutout”

Telling the world about your game-long battle with the Deluxe Nachos really takes the win out of your use of “stymies”.

In honor of the Cardinals upcoming “Social Media Day” did you know the Cardinals auto-tweet out their headlines? Hell yeah they do!

Go internet!

Soon after the Cardinals faithful had their little laugh at all of this, the headline was updated and the tweet was removed, almost like it never happened. It did though. We have screenshots.

Don’t fire the headline guy Cardinals! He did his very best to take all of our mind off how astonishingly bad this team is for at least a moment.