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Editor’s Note: Here’s another great bit from guest contributor Lance (see his previous work here) If you have any interest in guest authoring a post here, drop me a line at editor@punchingkitty.com

It’s hot in St. Louis. Real hot. How hot? It’s so hot that:

* Forest Park has been renamed Savannah Park

* Talk 97.1 is airing a special on the dangers of Global Warming

* The Penguin & Puffin Coast attraction at the zoo is now a fried chicken stand

* The Blues just traded Erik Johnson for a lifeguard

* Mayor Slay just awarded Nelly the key to the city for his innovative plan “take off all yur clothes”

* The line at Ted Drewes is so long that… oh, wait, nothing’s changed there.

* St. Louis county is willing to merge back with the city in exchange for a bucket of ice.

* Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg just called back. They just mumbled “Uh, never mind… ” and the phone went dead.

* “A Goddam Fan” just won the Democratic primary for Kit Bond’s senate seat.

* The Kings of Leon have a new song “Hot Pigeon Shit Blues”

* Busch stadium concession vendors now just pour the beer directly on your head.