Police Confused as to Why Stupid Prisoner Hanged Herself

The Globe Democrat reports that a St. Louis Metro Police prisoner decided to end it all while the cops were at lunch or something recently.

The 32-year-old woman was taken into custody around 2:00 p.m. Tuesday in the 5400 block of Southwest Avenue for an outstanding bench warrants. She was taken to the south patrol area station where she was being held.

Around 3:00 p.m., the victim was found hanging in the holding cell. She had used an item of her clothing to hang herself. Police said they immediately took the woman down and contacted EMS. She was taken to a hospital where she was pronounced dead.

Ok, we’ll admit this is pretty odd.  Maybe the “south patrol area station” is also called “south patrol put broomsticks in places you won’t like station”, but if not that, we can’t think of why one would want to just up and hang yourself with your undies out of nowhere.

…wait.  Was this person really really really stupid?  Because if they were really really really stupid that could be the reason why they decided to hang themselves with their underwear.

According to police, the woman gave police the name of a relative instead of her own when arrested. However the relative whose name she used when falsely identifying herself turned out to have outstanding bench warrants.

Ok, so yeah. She was a moron. This broad decided to “fool” the cops my giving them a name of someone that had several outstanding bench warrants. Good job. The only better option would been if she would have told the cops “Look over there!” and then in the confusion she walked 5 feet to the right hoping the cops wouldn’t turn their head to the left slightly.

Someone this stupid probably wasn’t even trying to kill herself. She probably thought she was hanging her close to dry and forgot to take them off.